April 7, 2013
Day 7: Write a scene without dialogue.
The door opened and Caitlin stood by the doorway. Finally, she's returned. I felt relief wash over me. I had not realized how worried I was of her when she just disappeared like that. She seemed surprised to see me there; I would have been surprised as well. The truth was I had no idea what I was even doing here. I should be staying over at Chantelle's, but I told her that I wasn't feeling too well to drive to her place tonight. I guess I was just waiting for Caitlin to come back and a part of me really wants to see her and talk to her.
And say what?
Caitlin lowered her eyes to the ground. She refused to look at me as she disappeared into the bathroom. Water from the shower started running. I bit my lips in frustration and discomfort. This was what I wanted, right? This was what I told Caitlin from the beginning. She had no reason to be angry with me and I had no reason to feel this way either, guilty and just so... so... disappointed. We should have both expected this from the very beginning.
Finally, we're both going to be free.
So why am I feeling this way?
I lay down on my side of the bed and though of something to say to Caitlin. I was angry, ashamed, guilty, and a million other different things. I couldn't understand how I felt when she stood on her tiptoes and gave Cole a kiss on the mouth for show.
I heard Caitlin pad into our room, but I just couldn't face her without something to say, so I let the silence between us prevail. She went on shuffling around the room, probably collecting her things.I squeezed my eyes shut and listened to her measured movements in misery. Soon, she turned off the lights. I knew she had gotten on her side of the bed when I heard the sheets shuffle. and I felt the mattress dip under her slight weight.
For what seemed like an eternity, we just lay there with our backs to each other and the few meters between us seemed like lightyears.
Until I heard it.
Caitlin was crying.
Just like those first weeks, she was crying herself to sleep again tonight.
My heart constricted at the thought and I couldn't resist looking back.
Her body was racked by silent sobs which she thought my sleeping form couldn't hear. She tried to keep her cries silent, but I could hear them anyway.
Suddenly, I just let all my inhibitions fall apart. I did what I wanted to do then, no restrictions and no thinking twice. I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her from behind at the same time, tangling our libs together. I cacooned her safely in my arms, my heart aching for everything we have lost tonight. I felt her surprise through her tense form, but I didn't care. Instead, I touched my cheek to her warm smooth ones.
Her tears didn't stop.
Instead, she cried her heart out as she turned to me. Caitlin buried her face in my chest. Hot tears spilled down her face, soaking my shirt and I held her close. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed my own tears not to fall. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pulled her even closer to my body.
I wanted to memorize everything about Caitlin tonight.
Because when tomorrow comes, everything will be different.
So, tonight we've reached an unspoken agreement.
For the last time, we would show each other how we really felt.
For one last evening, I wanted to hold my wife close.
Because when morning come, I wouldn't be hers and she wouldn't be mine anymore.
