Remember When ↠ l.p.

A startling development

"Do you think," I ask mom one night later that week as we're sitting on my bed and watching the end credits to a movie we just finished roll past "that this sort of sappy thing gets to us so much because we want it in our own lives? And then the sweetly tragic sort of things, uh...oh! Like the girl remembering how her grandpa used to boast about her to his coworkers and how it affected her decision at the end there, do you think stuff like that is because of our own memories of similar sad-sweet moments?" It was an idea that I had been turning over in my head the last thirty minutes of the movie.

"Maybe?" she shrugs. "I hadn't really thought about it. I suppose that whenever something does make us connect to the character empathetically it's because we've experienced something similar or have wanted to. I mean, it would make sense." She eyes me, like she does every time we watch a movie with any sort of romance in. "Of course some emotions and our connections to seeing them in others are innate. Take finding a husband to look after you, for example."

"Mother! Sheesh, can't you stop nagging me about men for one night?" I playfully smack her arm. I wouldn't have suggested this movie if I hadn't thought I could handle her comments during and afterward, of course. That fact doesn't mean that I won't let them fly by me without taking a few return shots back at her. "What could a man give me that I really need, right now? I have money, the girls are happy and any sort of male authority figure can be filled by Louis and hopefully Liam, soon." As soon I've said that, I knew it was a mistake. I wince and slowly look over at my mother who has a very cunning look on her face.

"Liam as a male authority figure? He's already Tessie's dad and now you're going to let him slip into that father figure spot for Cailyn too? You might as well marry the man Izzy!" She laughs so hard that tears well up in her eyes. "I can't believe you actually just said that!" She reaches over to hug me. "I knew that somewhere deep down you couldn't be as closed of to the idea of a man in your life as you seemed to be. Maybe you didn't even know it yourself but this, this has proved that you do think about it. And you think about Liam."

I cough and pull away from her embrace. I can feel my face heating up and I turn away from her. "Of course I think about him mother, I'm looking after his daughter and I'm helping him recover from a trauma and misdiagnose or something like that...after his wife practically died for me!" I hurry into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I fall down to sit on the floor, back against the door and hugging my knees to my chest. 

"I didn't mean to frighten you off dear..." she rises from the bed and pauses by the bathroom door. "Obviously you're a little shaken from this. I'll let you be alone for now, but we will be talking about this in the morning Isabella, don't you doubt it." I hear her chuckle as she walks out the door, not concerned by my sudden exit and disregard for her.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I whisper to myself. I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I don't look any different...but still. Something seems odd. I run my fingers over my face and along my neck. How long have I felt this way...is it even- is it right? Am I terrible person for wanting to hook-up or marry or whatever you may with my ward's father? One who still seems to blame me for his wife's death? "What have I gotten myself into?" I ask my reflection. 

Not surprisingly, it has no answers for me.