Remember When ↠ l.p.

Motherly encouragement

"Mother, I swear I'm serious this time." I protest to her chuckles of disbelief. She's been pushing me to make more friends and so far I've been mainly unsuccessful. There was a woman I thought I really clicked with at Target, but I couldn't get up the nerve to ask if we could hang out again. 

"That's similar to what you said the last three times. Really, if you expect me to start believing you then I need to see some progress." She sighs and changes topics. "How is it going with Liam?" 

"Well, it's going," I tell her "whether things are going in the right direction is what I'm unsure of." Despite his apology for his odd behavior and explaining the reason behind it, it seems like that's almost unleashed whatever had been previously holding him back. He seems to be saying more and more odd things to me. What he says ranging from compliments or very very out-of-the-blue comments from things like butterfly wings or the winds that control the oceans currents. I can't understand it, did I simply not notice how he as acting before? Or did telling me his secret make him feel open to saying whatever pops into his head? "I'm keeping my emotional distance as best I can."

"How much distance is it? A foot or two or an entire room?" She asks me, sounding curious. From the beginning she has urged me to pursue Liam (or any other male that caught my attention), but much to my surprise she has completely backed me up on my decision to wait. It was a nice reassurance. I didn't want to fight against her about it. It's like we're finally seeing the same side of a boy-centered situation for the first time in years.

"Somewhere in the middle? It's not easy when he pays me these little compliments. For example, just the other day he told me that when he looks deep in my eyes he can almost sees stars winking at him. He's complimented me physically in very sweet ways, but also on my parenting decisions with the girls. I always tell him that he has just as much input but he keeps saying that I do everything perfectly." I sink to my knees next to my bed, still holding the phone to my ear as I peak underneath for a missing shoe. "I just find it disconcerting. Flattering at times, but it's always very random and unexpected."

"Does it make you feel good? Does it make it harder to keep your 'emotional distance'?" She doesn't sound judgmental, making me very appreciative to how good she's become at helping me to deal with my runaway emotions. 

"Most of the time I like what he says. It doesn't mean that I believe him. I mean a perfect parent? No one can be completely perfect, especially when it comes to parenting. You are bound to make mistakes. I know I've made plenty of mistakes. So his compliments aren't making it hard to keep my emotional distance at all. In fact I think it's helped, knowing that he feels urged to say things. It almost makes me wonder if it's 'other Liam' trying to mess with my head. Or perhaps just something psychological that Liam just hasn't worked through. Either way, I don't trust that it's what he really feels. Maybe he feels it in part, but" I glance out the window just in time to see him getting out of his car in the parking lot below. He's wearing a blue button-up that looks almost a twin to the one he was wearing yesterday. He walks with a confident stride and a smile on his face. It makes me so happy to see him like that. So normal. "how can I know that for sure?"