Loving the football player

Twenty three

No, you're not dreaming! This is an update.... But I'm shutting up now so you can enjoy it. We will talk on the end of the chapter in the author's note ;p

The past few weeks have been horrible.

I didn't do anything really and nothing has been as excited. The only big difference was that now I didn't have Stephan to talk to. I don't know how or when but he had become a huge part of my life and I didn't even realize it until he was out of it.

I missed talking to him. I missed laughing at his horrible jokes and I missed his horrible, cheesy pick-up line he would tell me.... I missed him, period. I don't know why, though. Missing him shouldn't be this hard. I was supposed to forget him because he slept with someone else. I am supposed to forget him in an instant because I was mad at him. He's not supposed to haunt my mind.

The thing that kept gong through my mind was that look in his eyes. The look of hurt and disbelief was unbearable. I wanted to go and talk to him. I wanted make sure that he was okay and that he wasn't getting much shit from other kids but I couldn't.

Because:

A) Sandra seemed to be attached to him- every time I would see him, he was with her. And I get it. She was his girlfriend and he wants to be around her all the time. But this was on another level! She parades around the school halls with him by her side and a huge grin in her smile She wants to show off her new relationship and it made me mad. It made me mad because this relationship happened in expense of someone ease's feeling.

Are you talking about Ethan's feelings or yours? The little, annoying voice in the back of my head asked every time I would think about it. Ethan's of course! I say quickly. Maybe too quickly because the next thing on my mind is the really dangerous/serious question that has me terrified of the answer; am I trying to convince the little, annoying voice in my head or am I trying to convince myself?

B) Ethan seemed to be attached to my hip as well. Look, I love Ethan as a friend, or a very distant cousin, but he has become annoying these past few weeks. I get that he was hurting about him being cheated on but I never thought that me comforting him would create this attachment. The guy wouldn't leave me alone. He is around me all the time.

We were never so close. We never hang 0ut outside school or when we were not in a tutoring session but we have ended up spending more time than I'm spending with Max. And again, I have no problems with him but he's being a little annoying, needy and clingy.

And I was getting some weird vibes off of him. I'm beginning to think that Ethan thinks that maybe our friendship is something more than just a friendship. And it's the fact that he goes around the school telling everyone he's in a relationship. I haven't seen him hanging out with some girl except me.

Now, I don't want to jump the gun and assume things. I choose to believe that he says he's in a relationship because he wants to make Sandra jealous. I choose to believe that he's not going around the school saying he's in a relationship because he thinks that we are in a relationship. And I hope that if he does go around to people and saying his in a relationship for real that the girl he's in a supposed relationship with is not me!

The really shocking and hard news that made my week even worse was something that I would have never thought I would hear.

A couple of days ago, Max had come over to my house for a sleepover. His parents were fighting again. And Max is so sensitive that he can't stand to see or listen to them fight. He never tells me what the fights are about and I don't press because I'm guessing that it has to do with who he is.