Through Innocent Eyes

It's All in Your Head

I sit and wait for Dr. Steven Carter to emerge from his office. This all feels like deja vu.

As I stand to greet Dr. Carter, I feel uneasy. But heck, I feel uneasy so often, that I can't distinguish between a paranoid tick or an actual threat anymore.

I glance to the right and to the left. I detect nothing threatening and am led into Dr. Carter's office.

"Good to see you again, Maya." Dr Carter says kindly, smiling warmly at me.

"You too." I say, feeling safer in the company of such a kind person.

"Today we're going to do something different," He says, sitting forward in his chair. "I want you to close your eyes, and lean back. When I say a word, I need you to tell me the word or phrase you think of."

I hesitantly lean back and close my eyes. "Okay." I say, taking a deep breath.

"Dark." He says, waiting for my response.

"Cellar." I mumble, not knowing where that came from.

"Afraid." He says.

"Always." I answer immediately.

"Father." His voice is strong and steady.

"Hates me." I whimper, feeling the built up emotions pour out of the chamber I've kept them in for so long.

"Belt."

My eyes shoot open and I feel a tightness in my chest. I back up in the chair and begin to hyperventalate.

"Maya? Are you okay, Maya?" Dr. Carter stands and comes to my side.

I frantically shake my head "no" and begin to cry. I have a hard time breathing and start to feel myself faint.

Everything goes dark in the blink of an eye.

.....

I quickly open my eyes and sit up, panic surging through my veins.

"Maya, calm down. You fainted. Take it easy." Dr. Carter says, his nurturing behavior kicking in.

"I better go." I say, standing up.

Blood rushes to my head and I suddenly feel dizzy. I sit back in my chair and rub my temples.

"I'm calling your mom. You shouldn't drive home by yourself." He says, sitting down at his desk and dialing my mother's number.

I don't answer. Instead, I try to prevent myself from throwing up.

........

I sit in the passenger seat of Jessica's escalade. I intently stare out my window, avoiding eye contact with her.

"Maya, tell me what happened." Jessica says. Her soothing voice beckons me to look at her.

"You mean today?"

She glances at me again and shakes her head. "I mean five years ago. Maya, what was your childhood like before I adopted you?"

I scoff and shake my head. "You don't want to know."

"But I do! Maya, you can't keep things like this bottled up. I need you to communicate with me." Jessica urges.

I go silent and turn away from her, not wanting to open up. I never want to open up to anyone.

"I'm not ready." I mumble, blinking back tears.

She smiles sympathetically at me and nods her head. "Okay, darling."

........

When we get home, I quickly walk up to my room, wanting to be alone.

I plop on my bed and look around my room. It's changed alot since I was little.

The walls are a soothing grey, the furniture is black and white. It's really an improvement from the purple and pink mess it used to be.

I close my eyes and think. It'd feel so great to tell someone. This burden has been eating me alive for five years. I don't know how much longer I can take it.

The door opens and Hope comes running into my room. She flings herself onto the bed next to me and giggles.

"Hi, Maya!" She laughs more, lying her head on my stomach.

"Hello, little one." I laugh too, caressing her hair.

Her head shoots up, and she looks at me with wonder. "School starts tomorrow!"

Her words literally make me want to vomit.

I had totally forgotten. School starts tomorrow.

I sit up and immediately slip on my tennis shoes.

"C'mon, Hope. We're going shopping."

..........

Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoy the most recent edition of "Through Innocent Eyes!" I love you all very much! In the next chapter, there'll be a new character introduced! Don't forget to vote and comment! The lucky follower for this chapter is.... wardtisa! Thank you for following!!
Xoxo, Mo.