Dear Scott

Chapter Two

Dear Scott, 

You miss the words 

You know my face 

It blends not in the crowd 

You see her there

Towards you she comes

Towards you I walk away

It takes two to tango, to talk or not

Yet the blame goes to you my friend 

For it’s you in pain

It’s you full of change

My opinion remains the same 

I talked to you and let you know

And you revealed your feelings unchanged 

I missed you dear, though in front of me 

Not you who spoke your words 

A change in you, more clear each day

Had filled you head to toe

A change so strong, it hurt me so

A change you didn't see

For you were too busy

Too focused on things

Things that, with time

Shall always pass

So here I stood

And here I stand

My feelings for you

Unchanged

I remembered the first day I saw them together after everyone found out about their romance. The three flights of stairs up to my composition class seemed more exhausting than usual that day. I made it to the landing near the third floor and glanced out the window to my right before turning my attention to the last of the stairs.

My heart was instantly in the bottom of my stomach, beating against my belly button as I held tight to the railing. There they were, Scott and Jean, hand-in-hand a few steps ahead of me. His dark brown hair fell into his brown eyes as he leaned in and whispered something into her ear. She barely reached his shoulders, the awkward height difference forcing him to bend slightly at the middle for his eyes to meet hers. I watched with jealousy as they so publicly exchanged smiles and graced each others shoulders with their hands. He took a step closer to her, pulling her in with the hand that had coiled around her waist to find the small of her back. And then, he did it. On the stairs, for the world around them to see. He closed his eyes, and, with the softest pucker, kissed her. Even on her tippy toes, she still had to tilt her head back unnaturally far to be at the right angle to meet his face. I felt my eyelashes brush against my eyebrows as my eyes grew wide with surprise and disbelief. I had heard about them, knew they were together, and yet, it had never once crossed my mind that the two of them shared any intimate moments together, let alone in public. I shut my eyes tightly before opening them again. He pulled back slowly and, without a smile, he squeezed her hand and turned to go to his class, leaving both Jean and me staring after him.

I realized that my pace up the stairs had slowed as I took one grueling step at a time towards the top of the stairs. The air in my lungs felt like cement, the weight of it ready at any moment to pull me backwards, causing me to fall down the stairs. Was it the emptiness, or the heavy feeling that left me feeling completely out of control? I felt as though the world was passing around me and I was standing still. As hard as I tried, it seemed like the hardest chore to pull my legs up and then press them down again, taking each stair on like it would be my last.