How To Begin Again

Chapter 3 - The Road Gets Tough, I Don't Know Why

Chapter 3 - The Road Gets Tough, I Don't Know Why

Adriana was sat privately listening to music as her mum burst through the door almost tripping and falling straight on her face. Ever since Adriana could remember her mother had taken little care for her. Her name was Ashley and she had deep, black hair that tied around her head violently jutting out at many angles. The bags under her eyes reflected great torment and loss of the life she once had. Standing there in the doorway, leant slewed, disoriented and unsettled, she tried to speak but all that fell from her mouth was a slurred whimper. Even the vodka bottle which seemed to be cradled amongst her fingers had a certain sense of sheer weariness. Her posture represented her loss of mentality and distance from reality.

Throughout all of our lives we adventure through a dark tunnel, submerged in fear, from which it feels like escape is impossible. For example the loss of a loved one as Adriana was experiencing. Although her mother clearly wasn't dead nor dying  she knew she had lost her a long time ago, just as alcohol had become her only support. 

It is a curious thing, the loss of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things. Adriana's mum was lost at sea drowning in the depths of pure despair.

As Ashley maintained her balance she spoke in a vicious tone towards her only daughter "Have you scraped enough money to pay for our rent yet." Adriana sat shocked and despite her mum being present she had never felt more alone. 

"I've paid for the rent, the grocery shopping and the utility bills mum!" She uttered, "Why can't you just leave me alone and sort your self out?"

Adriana knew her mum's patience would collapse at that very instance. "How dare you even s-s-speak to your own mother like that" She slurred.

"Everything we're living on mum, it's all because of me!." She began to cry, "You've put me through hell and back with all the stress and pressure of covering up the fact that my own mother can't control herself!!!" She forced painfully through the tears. "No wonder Dad left you!"

Ashley's slewed position had become much more linear now, almost as if the anger running through her bloodstream had replaced the alcohol. "How dare you blame that on me you pathetic excuse of  a daughter." As if these words weren't painful enough, she threw the vodka bottle directly at Adriana who ducked as it skimmed her head, smashing barbarically against the wall. Simultaneously her mother fell to the floor in shock of what she had just done with tears already taking place in her eyes. 

Despite the circumstances which had unfolded right before her, Adriana hurried over to her mother to put her arm around her. However Ashley just pushed her down to the floor with strong carelessness, articulating the words "Get away from me, you're no... d-daughter of mine"  and shuddering unnervingly.

Adriana instinctively ran downstairs, unlocking the door and forcing her body into the chilly autumn night. She went in search of solace, a word which here means an escape from the tunnel that swallowed her by the second.