OPEN [boyxboy] ✓

nineteen:: when you just can't help yourself.

( this gif has nothing to do with this chapter... 679 by Fetty Wap [violin cover] )

NINETEEN: when you just can't help yourself.

His ass.

It was so fucking perfect.

I have to be gay.

I just had to. I didn't go through all of this for nothing. I didn't walk through Hell and get hit by my religious mother for nothing and I didn't get beat up just to find out that being attracted to guys was just an experiment or I was attracted to both genders.

I had to be gay.

"Holy shit," Paul had stated when he'd turned around, smiling wide when he'd seen me -very suspiciously might I add- as I stood in his doorway. And as he looked me over, his smile deflated a little, eyebrows furrowing as his calculating brown eyes took in my appearance, "you look really nice..."

I was nervous... Hell yes, I was nervous and my over-active subconscious was telling me that Paul was realizing that he didn't actually want to date me. I think if those words had actually left his mouth, I would've been in so much pain, jumping in front of an 18-wheeler would've been less painful.

My heart was beating so loud, I was sure the curly haired, angel-boy... erm man- could hear it, "You say that like its a bad thing."

Paul let out a small, almost silent, chuckle at that, turning around to dig back in his drawers, bending over slightly and giving me the perfect view to admire the roundness of his perky little ass. And if you were to ask me what I was thinking about that had me so tight in my jeans, I wouldn't be able to answer, my cheeks would be flushed and I'd be trying to hold onto what little dignity I had left. Why the fuck was I so horny that day? Maybe it was nerves that caused my body to rise in certain places...

Paul turned around, my hand drifting to my crotch to cover my... problem.

I prayed to whatever God that may or may not exist that Paul didn't notice how hard he'd made me by just bending over.

"I uh, I don't want you to mess up what you're wearing," Paul had muttered, cheeks not red like expected by his demure tone. Biting his tongue in that cute way of his, he tossed me a black tee and some black jeans, "can you change into that?"

I would go naked if you asked me to.

Shaking my head to rid my thoughts that consisted of me, Paul, and a lot less clothing, I sighed scanning the clothes in my hands. Looking at the sizing on the pants, my eyes widened even though I expected nothing less. Paul was lanky, I mean I wasn't big myself but I just hadn't realized how skinny he actually was.

"Paul, these pants are kinda small."

"Right... " he trailed off, looking down at my legs as if he'd realized something. His perfect lips were parted and pursed as he nodded, turning back around to sift through his drawers and while I was imagining how it'd feel with his lips on me, he'd successfully found what he was looking for.

Turning around, his shirt slid a little downwards, it too big for his frame and I could see a peak of his collarbone, a little arrow tattoo sitting pretty just below it. I'd never noticed it before, I'd realized, my eyes catching sight of the dark-purple hickey beside it. Maybe I was a little too focused on marking Paul's skin with temporary bruises that I hadn't noticed the permanent ink.

I watched as his long, lean fingers came up to slide his shirt back into it's original position. A flash of those fingers wrapping around me and the vision of his nails digging into the skin of my thighs as he took all he could had caused my cheeks to go red. I had to hold back a groan, my dick getting painfully hard and all I wanted was relief... Or maybe him on his knees if he were into that.