Open [boyxboy] ✓

fifty-two:: when sometimes you need self-closure.

[BLEACH BY BROCKHAMPTON]

FIFTY- TWO: when sometimes you need self-closure.

Paul had been standing on the side in the crowd surrounding for a while, not socializing, barely looking at me but he was sipping something out of a cup and I assumed he would let go with me. I mean, I was drunk and from the few times I'd been at these parties, I knew drunk people weren't that fun unless you yourself were intoxicated. I wasn't sure what it was but as soon as I noticed him, I ended up abandoning Ben on the middle, him barely noticing when his dances turned more sexual with the female he was grinding on and I'm pretty sure I laughed, knowing he'd be telling me some crazy story in the morning.

Ben always ended up getting himself into some mess but I knew he would be responsible with how much he drank and even how much the girl around him drank.

"Paul... Come dance with me." I'd whined, fueled up by liquid courage, I wanted my boyfriend to enjoy himself as well so when I went to offer him the drink I'd acquired at some point, I pouted when he'd taken it and sat it down away from me.

"You need some water, Angel." He spoke clearly, handing me the cup in his hand and thats when I realized he was perfectly sober, he was always perfectly sober. I don't know why that made me feel bad but it did as I clung to him, my body loosely draped over his and it felt like I was floating. The air smelled heavily of weed and my body was swaying with the beat, I hadn't noticed until he clasped my hips firmly.

"Don't want water, just want you."

And he threw his head back at that, pushing me a little off before I climbed him like a tree. He looked so good in the dimly lit room, my eyes catching him in that same outfit from graduation only his jacket was abandoned in my car and his arms looked so toned. Watching them flex as he pushed me away and held me firmly, it made me fall into him even more. "Oh my God."

"What's wrong?" I'd asked, I was almost sure he didn't hear me with my entire bottom lip in my mouth. He was so hot, physically and literally but maybe, that was my body heat rising due to the bodies pressed on and around me.

"You're drunk." I wasn't drunk, my stomach was just a little hot and my face was too but I was fine. I hadn't been on anything, hadn't had anything heavy in my system and although I had one or two drinks, I wasn't drunk. "You told me you wouldn't drink." And he looked hurt at that, I did tell him I wasn't going to drink on the way there but there was just something so freeing about having fun around my peers. I didn't intend on drinking but I wanted to be looser than I was before.

When Paul had left me, I ended up talking to a few people, my past problems with everyone dissipating and I didn't know if it was Andy's speech or intoxication but they didn't seem to have any problems. I even got an apology here and there, even if they didn't really hold much weight to the misery I was in before. My boyfriend was sitting back and watching me have the time of my life and that wasn't fair to him but all I could think about was the fact that it was all over and there was only up from here.

I didn't have time to be scared about the future when I was downing six cups of cheap beer since other guys were great at beer pong.

"'M not drunk." I was falling all over him and the more time that passed, the more I didn't believe myself. I mean, I wasn't, not fully, not to the point where Paul would have to pull me out but I was having trouble with my syllables. He was sitting on the couch that was pushed against the wall and I found myself on his lap, trying to get him to look at me. He hadn't made eye contact with me and I knew there was hostility radiating off of him. Turning towards him, I pouted and I turned into such a needy gay when I was drunk, Calum made sure to point that out heavily when we were 14, safe to say, it embarrassed me into never being this vulnerable again.