HIS ROYAL LOVE CHILD (Book Two of the LOVE CHILD series)

Chapter Ten "LOST"

Liams' POV…………………

I woke up in a strange bed, in a strange place and surrounded by naked strangers. The room looked and smelled as if an epic orgy had gone on for hours. The very heavy stench of stale sweat and sex hung in the air, making me want to gag.  I disentangled myself from the slim arms that were wrapped around my body and got up. As I surveyed the naked twisted bodies around me, I felt disgusted with myself. I had allowed it to happen again. I allowed myself to become so drunk and drugged out that I didn't care who I was fucking and what was happening around me. I groaned as I got up and started looking around for my clothes. I ignored the aches and pain that I was experiencing throughtout my body as I moved around. I had to get out of here now. Luckily I found them within moments and I quickly got dressed and left the scene behind me.

Quickly making my way out of the building, I groaned out loud as the sun hit me in the face painfully. I squinted my eyes and using my hands as a shield against the brutal effects of the sun on my sensitive eyes, I looked around for my bike, I sighed in relief when I found it. I fast walked over towards it, I then quickly grabbed my helmet and putting it on, I mounted my bike and rode away. Running away from a another shameful experience. Thank God that I don't quite remember all of what happened. The drugs help with that, dulling the memories, making them nothing but a blur.

It's been a few months now since I have left home, not sure exactly how many months have passed. The days and weeks have just blurred into one. I've just kept moving, kept running, never staying in one place long enough. Going from town to town, city to city, one nightclub after another. Spending my nights in a drunken, drugged filled stupor filled with meaningless sex, not caring about who I was fucking and what else was going on around me.  All I've come to care about is getting my next fix and putting as much distance between me and my nightmares as possible. I figured that the farther that I get away from my home and issues, the better things would be.

But I was so wrong. I may be able to run away from my home and my family, from my mate even. But I can't run away from myself. The horrors of my past is always with me and so are the nightmares. Drugs aren't really helping anymore, I have to be taking it several times a day now just to feel somewhat normal, just be able to function and get through the day.

I arrived at the latest motel that I've been using to crash in. Entering the my room, I close the door behind me and switch on the light. The room is filthy, but I don't really pay any attention to it. After all I'm just passing through, as a matter of fact I think it's time to leave this town now. I made my way across the room and entered the bathroom, I needed to shower. My body felt as filthy as the room looked and my skin was beginning to crawl. I scratched at my arms trying to relieve the feeling of things crawling on me. I get into the shower and turned on the hot water full force, not even bothering to check the temperature. I needed it hot, I need it to burn away my shame.

I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. Getting out I dried myself with the one clean towel that I have left, before wrapping it around my waist. On my way out of the bathroom I caught sight of my hazy reflection in the bathroom mirror and I stopped in my tracks. I slowly turned to face the mirror fully, and as if in slow motion I raised my hand and wiped the fog that had gathered on the mirror off.

I stared at myself. Looking back at me was someone I did not recognize. My skin was no longer a healthy natural tan. It was pasty white, my eyes permanently bloodshot and dark circles beneath them, they were also sunken into my head. My hair was a limp mess. I had lost weight, I could see the bones in my neck and shoulders standing out prominently and there were scratches all over me. As I looked down on my arms I see the needle tracks from my drug use standing out starkly against my pasty white skin.

There shouldn't have been any marks on me. I am a shifter, they should have all healed within mere moments. But I know what's happening, my father had been right all along. The drug was affecting my wolf, I was barely capable of sensing him anymore. Shifting has become a serious struggle and the times when I do manage to shift, I was barely able to hold my wolf form for very long. My wolf was dying and so was I.

Tears pricked at my eyes, tears that I refused to shed. Tears of shame and despair. It was time that I put myself out of my misery. I walked away from my reflection and entered the filthy motel bedroom, I grabbed my duffel bag and pulled out a somewhat clean pair of jeans and put them on. Then I grabbed for the drugs, my hands were shaking as I opened the package, as I thought about what I was about to do.

Leaning back against the headboard, I took out the first syringe and holding it up to my eyes, I just stared at it. Emotions that I refused to acknowledge kept pushing at me, thoughts that I refused to listen to kept resounding in my head. Faces that I refused to look at appeared in my vision.

I was a coward and it was time that I ended it all.  Because as much as I hated my parents and blamed them for what happened to me. I hated and blamed myself even more. My sense of shame was so deep within me, that it felt like a festering sore, that has spread it's infection throughout my entire body and become cancerous.

And has many times that I have declared that I don't want or need my mate, my self hate and shame as spread, because I was lying. Not just to him and everyone  around me, but to myself. Especially to myself. Because I have loved and needed him since he first appeared in my nightmares. I have loved and needed him since his soul first touched my own. But that is also the reason why I both hate and love him. From the first moment I saw him, felt the purenes of his soul, I knew that I didn't deserve him.

His soul shines like a beacon of pure light, shining brightly in my darkness. He's pure, untainted, while I'm nothing. Nothing but a broken, tainted, worthless coward. Filled with pain, rage and shame. Now they have all consumed me and I can fight them no more.

Without any further thought I injected the first syringe of drug into my system. As it flowed through me, I had only one thought "One down. Four to go. And then it would finally be over."

As the last syringe of drug entered by system, there was only one thought in my head and one name on my lips. As I slipped away into peaceful oblivion, like a prayer I whispered his name "Nicholai".

…………………………Nicholais' POV

I shot up out of the bed, my heart racing frantically as I screamed the name of my mate "Liammmm!!!!"