Never to Love Again (boyxboy)

Burning Heavens and Chilling Hells

I woke up early. That is the way it's always been but today I woke up in someone's arms. As in...I woke up with my face against a man's chest, my arms around a slim waist and light snores floating across the air like pedals floating from a gush of wind.

"He better not have," I grummbled and then looked up. "He fucking did." I was flat against Rixon with his white hair haloing around his face and his porcelain skin glowing even in the dim sunlight filtering in through the gosmer curtains. He looked like and angel at least until he opened his eyes. Then you saw the devil.

I pushed up and away from Rixon not even getting one snore of protest from him. I checked his face out seeing small almost invisible freckles dusting across his nose and cheeks, dark eyelashes that touched those very light spots of imperfection, and lastly his well sculpted eyebrows a mocha brown almost attracting attention to just them but also averting it to his traitor eyes.

He was beautiful.

Sadly.

I felt the anger start to boil up and ripped myself out of the bed, pushing my fingers through my hair as I opened the door and walked out.

How had he even managed to get into my bed last night without me noticing. He has only been here one night and he's already getting into my bed. I was a very light sleeper so for him to have successfully slid in was amazing. I woke up even if someone was breathing near me.

"Good morning, Zyler," Alec said friendly as he passed by. I nodded politely judging him for the limp in his step as he glided by. Of course him and Danny had gone at it.

"Aiden was looking for you last night but you had already retired for the night. You should go see him," he said and then continued on his way with an extra bug smile on his lips. I frowned when I thought about the last time I had sex and how I was smiling afterwards. I had scared Jonah with how I smiled. I never smiled. Not. Ever.

Sex changed something in you I guess. It made you feel something that was indescribable. Something almost like heaven and every time you reached that peak you got to brush the clouds heaven laid on. You felt the warm glow of love and exileration before you came floating back down and lost yourself in the arms of the one who took you to the sky.

Sex was a beautiful thing but also a curse. Ash used my slice of heaven against me. He took my hand away just as I reached for the clouds and instead shook it to were I was left cold, alone, and rained upon. I thought sex with him was making love but now I know it was nothing more than a sick game to make me fall and then to make me bury myself in self hate and agonizing memories.

I killed the man I loved in cold blood. Not beacjase he was bad or because he almost killed me. But because I felt cheated. Stupid. Humiliated. I took that knife and stabbed him over and over not because it was punishment for his actions but because I couldn't stand the idea if anyone getting to live after making a fool of me.

He died because I wanted it.

And I would do it again in a a heart beat.

I sat in the library that no one came to anymore looking out of the open windows at the river the mansion was built by. I held "Flour Boy" in my hands and traced the flour made heart on the cover.

Just like Andrew I was cheated. I understood him but yet I would never love again. I would never give someone the chance- the opportunity to use my heaven against me again. I resided in hell now and I was fine with that.

"Your' way too pretty to be sitting up there all alone," I heard the deep baritone Irish accent say. I didn't look back at him or aknowlege him until he sat next to me. "Pretty lad why are you sitting all alone after you cried while you slept last night?"