SteveXReaderXBucky - Fight Song

Chapter 7 ~ I Can't Love

Walking through the door I take a deep breath. "It'll be okay Stark," Bucky says as he gently pats me on the shoulder.

"Easy for you to say, He has to forgive you; those rules don't apply to me." I say as I narrow my eyes at him.

"Just trust me," He says as he pushes me into the living room where Steve was sitting on my couch staring at his hands. As I stumble forward, thanks to a certain someone, Steve jumps to his feet and stares at me his eyes filled with worry, "(Name), I am so sorry." He says but I just shake my head.

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry." I say as I reach up to gently rub my arms. "I have issues okay, and because of those issues I lashed out at you and I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have pushed you; I should have respected your wish to leave it alone." He says as he reaches over and gently placing his hand on my arms offers me an apologetic smile.

"Yeah," I say as I revel in the touch. "We both said things that we regret."

"Well we are human." He says and I smirk.

"Yeah thank god," I say as I lean my forehead against his chest. "So, we good?" I ask as I slowly close my eyes.

"Yeah, we're good." He says as he pulls me into his chest hugging me tightly. I smile softly as I wrap my arms around his waist and hold tightly. "So do you wanna talk about what happened?" He asks and I let out a sigh as I say, "Might as well." I pull away from him and sitting down in my recliner turn to see him and Bucky sit on the couch.

I take a deep breath before I say, "When I was a kid my mother," I pause for a moment as the words suddenly become hard to say. "My mother had just lost my grandpa and unable to contend with the loss she turned to drugs."

"You told us this last night," Steve says and I nod slightly.

"Yeah but I didn't tell you everything, so hush." I say making Bucky smirk. "When the money ran out," I pause as I try to fight back the tears that threatened to pour. "She sold me to her dealer." I glance up at them to gauge their reactions and find their eyes dark with anger. I gulp down a breath of air before I continue, "Soon after that, he uh, he," suddenly tears fill my eyes and Steve reaches forward and gently takes my hand making me grip tightly to him. "He tried to rape me and I-I-I shot him, with his own gun. I saw his head explode two inches from my face and I was covered in blood. Ever since then I've had these episodes where I hallucinate that he's near me, that he tries to hurt me. I've never told anyone about what happened. Until now," I say as I grip tightly to Steve's hand.

"So Stark doesn't even know?" Steve says as he stares ahead of him at the wall.

"No, I could never tell him." I pause as I look away from them. "And that's mostly my fault as well; you know keeping him away and all."

"Is that why you didn't want to be alone last night?" Bucky asks as he slowly turns toward me.

"Yeah, I uh, was in the middle of an episode and Devlin, that was his name, was sitting in the window sill mocking me. It terrifies the hell outta me just being alone with his constant hallucinations, because they feel so real; but with you guys there," I pause as they stare at me with curious eyes. "He disappeared. I didn't have nightmares like I usually do, I didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night, I slept more soundly than I ever have."

"You're welcome." Bucky says making me smile.

"It's so strange because when I do what Starks do best, I still see Devlin, but with you guys, I can't explain it."

"Maybe because you subconsciously trust us?" Steve says and I nod slightly as I think about his words. It was possible. I heard so many stories about them as a kid that I subconsciously felt like they would never ever hurt me. I smile softly as I silently thank my grandfather for all his stories. "You sly old man." I say as I stand up and walking over to the fireplace slowly turn back to them and say, "I bet he didn't know it when he told me all those stories but he saved my subconscious. That sly, sly old man."