SteveXReaderXBucky - Fight Song

Chapter 9 ~ I Don't Care

AN: Heavy Trigger warning!!!

Hallucinations, attempted Suicide, Depression, and Vomiting...

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When we pull up outside my house I throw open my door and practically run into the house and instantly start to search for a bottle of anything. I needed something to forget the pain. Something to drown my sorrows. Something to make me feel numb. I throw open the liquor cabinet doors and grabbing the closest bottle twist the cap off and bring it to my lips. I take three big gulps before I come up for air the Whiskey burning as it settles in my stomach. I kick my heels off and setting the bottle down momentarily I pull my coat off and toss it onto the floor. Grabbing the bottle I stomp up the stairs and reaching my room slamming the door behind me as I walk through it.

I take another gulp before I set the bottle down and reaching back unzip my dress and toss it in the corner of the room. I grab the bottle and walking into the bathroom, turn the shower on and climb inside. The power was still off so no doubt it would be cold; but that was what I wanted. I wanted to be numb. At first the cold water stings my skin but soon I can't feel it anymore. I bring the bottle to my lips and take another gulp. I hear the sound of doors opening and closing and my heart clenches.

Frowning I bring the bottle to my lips and just start chugging. After a few gulps I pull the bottle from my lips and glare at it. "Stupid girl," I say to myself as I lean my head back making the icy water pull the curls from my hair. I run a hand through my hair before I turn around and place my face in the ice cold water streaming from the shower head. I look down at the shower drain and clench my jaw as I see the makeup wash away. I set the bottle down on the shower rack before I bring my hands to my face and start scrubbing roughly making the makeup instantly disappear.

After a few seconds I turn the water off and grabbing the bottle climb out of the shower and walk to the mirror. I stare at my reflection for a moment and silently fight the urge to punch the mirror. My lips are bright blue and my skin is a pale white. I stare at my eyes for a moment before the familiar sight of Devlin catches my eye. I slowly turn toward him and holding my arms up say, "Is this what you want? Me, a train wreck, borderline suicidal, inches from just walking out into the night like this and not looking back?"

"You know me all too well." He says as a smirk crosses his lips.

"I should have just let you do what you wanted to me."

"Oh?" he says raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I say as tears fill my eyes. "I should have just lain there and taken it."

"I'm glad you finally see it my way kid," He says as he stands and walks over to me. I stand there unmoving as he reaches forward and runs his fingertips from my lips to my chest. He stops as a shiver runs through my body. "What's the matter, Cold?"

"Nope," I say as I bring the bottle to my lips and down a couple more gulps.

"Then do it," He says pulling his hand away from me and sitting down on the window seat.

"What?" I say surprised as I raise an eyebrow.

"End it," He says folding his arms over his chest. "It's what you want right? To be free from all the pain, the heartache, and the memories,"

"I want numbness," I say as I grip tightly to the bottle making my knuckles turn white.

"Then end it," He says leaning backwards in his seat. I walk over to my door and locking it turn back to the window. I feel sadness wash over me as I walk over to the window and leaning forward unlatch it and right as I start to open it someone grabs my hands. I stare at the hands blankly before I follow them to their owner.