The Anatomy of Our Almosts

More than Smiles and Coffee

Sabi niya hindi pa siya handa, sabi niya hintay lang, hintayin ko siya, that maybe somewhere in time she'll finally be able to meet me half way. Naniwala ako, naghintay ako.

Akala ko kasi may hinihintay ako, akala ko kasi kagaya ng sabi niya she'll meet me halfway. But I waited for far too long, matagal naman na yung 4 years diba? masyado ko ng ginugol yung panahon para sa paghihintay, para sa kanya, pero hindi naman sa isinusumbat ko ang ginawa kong paghihintay, ginusto ka din naman, pero ginusto niya ding maghintay ako.

Binigyan niya ako ng motibo, binigyan niya ako ng pag-asa, sa mga bagay na ginagawa ko para sa kanya, at niya para sakin, binigyan niya ako ng kakaibang pag-asa at nasabi kong oo nga baka pwede, baka malapit na, baka mahal na rin niya ako.

Pero sa tinagal ng panahon ng paghihintay na yun, she didn't meet me halfway, she stayed where she was, at ako humabol, humabol sa kanya na parang wala din akong sinasakripisyo. humabol kasi akala ko malapit na, pero hindi pala papalapit, kundi palayo, na sa sobrang layo hindi ko na siya maabot.

Minsan naitanong ko sa sarili ko, san ba ako nagkulang? sa oras? sa pagpapahalaga? sa pagbibigay ng effort? Saan ba nasusukat ang pagmamahal? Paano mo masasabing worth it siya?

Sabi naman sakin hindi mo daw yun masasabi, mararamdaman mo nalang bigla. Well the problem was I felt it for her, but she didn't feel the same.

There's always someone else for her, ako past time lang, pag bored, pag wala siyang ibang makausap, pag wala siyang ibang makasama. There's always someone else for her, when she's the only one for me.

Pero lahat ng pagibig kahit gaano ka tindi, ka lakas, ka pusok, parang apoy, sa tagal ng pagalab nito, kusa itong hihina, kusa itong maaabo, at kusa nitong papatayin ang sarili niya hanggang sa mawala nalang tuluyan.

That's what happens with unrequited love right? It kills itself with so much pain until it's numb, until it's dull, until it's gone. Well that's what happened to me, after her wala ng sumunod, wala na akong isinunod, wala na akong pinagtuunan ng pansin, wala na akong pinag-effortan, wala ng sumunod sa kanya and it felt good, kagaya ng nabasa ko, simula nung sinabi niyang hindi niya ako gusto, natutunan kong gustuhin ang sarili ko.

I learned to love myself, and all its clichés, I learned to accept the fact that I don't have to force things, I don't have to find someone to make me happy, na dapat sa sarili ko palang masaya na ako.

I became strong, and independent from anyone else, gone are the years of martyrdom, and I get on with the years of playfulness and nirvana. I didn't care about anything about love. I rebelled the whole thought of ever falling in love again.

Maybe that's just how I was able to protect myself from being hurt again, na magpakatanga sa isang taong hindi naman karapatdapat.

" Wow, Thank you Ms. Galura for that heartfelt recount from your latest book. But may we ask kung para kanino ba talaga dedicated ang book mo entitled, The Anatomy of Our Almosts? Na nasold out na ang first batch of publication?"

"Ahh... that's something I always consider too personal, pero this certain book is really close to my heart. Kasi the scenes are almost close to life, it's inspired by a certain someone in the past who taught me the real meaning of being free and happy despite hurting me in the process."

"Wow I guess it's going to be another successful book again coming from you Ms. Galura, so to end our interview do you have any last words for the readers and future buyers of your book?"

"Ahh yes, para po sa mga naglaan ng pera at panahon para bilhin at basahin itong bagong libro ko mabuhay po kayo, dahil ngayon siguro ay mas kilala niyo na kung sino ako, kagaya ng lagi kong sinasabi ipaglaban natin ang pagibig!"