The Anatomy of Our Almosts

Their Bucket List

It started off as a usual Thursday, like many other Thursdays of my life in the past years. But it was not meant to be started like any other Thursdays. The gentle rise and fall of Rhian's chest beside me made a calming feeling, my breathing was slowly synching with hers.

It was for the first time in the countless replays of the series of sleeping late and waking up early, feeling more the added restlessness of the few hours of sleep than, the comfort it should induce my boozed state of body and mind. That I felt well rested.

Since Rhian left me I've been a light sleeper, and I rather involuntarily pass out on the couch or the floor even the dining table, instead of getting in bed early. Maybe it was because we shared a whole good lot of time in bed together, more than just love making, we planned our whole future in the comfort of the bed, we dreamed of travelling the world together while lying flat on our backs staring on the ceiling, we mapped out our first bucket list one stormy morning in the confines of her condo bed, that we never had the chance to finish, let alone to start with.

The bed means more than sleeping in and waking up. The bed for me was Rhian and me, so removing Rhian on the equation resulted to a syntax error. Like a network error, sleep not found.

But this morning even with just three hours in the clock of decent slumber, I felt energised, active, and almost ecstatic at seven am.

I woke up on my sides facing Rhian on my right who's lying flat on her back, her head tilted towards me and her hair covering most of her face, and it rang in my head pretty well why they say everyone wants to wake up on the right side of the bed.

Waking up to her like this for the rest of my life is my own definition of 7th heaven.

I reached out to her lightly tucking the loose of her hair on the back of her ear. Making her scrunch her nose, and peek at me with one eye open.

"Hey."

"Hey."

One word, and a smile is all it takes for me to fall in love with Rhian all over again. I don't know if it is even valid anymore, to feel so much love for that one person over and over again.

But it is Rhian. The red head redemption of my broken heart.

"Are you even real?" Rhian husk in her raspy bedroom voice shattering my morning trance.

"Ha? Of course I am." I smiled

"Para kasing hindi, For years, I was accustomed to waking up alone, always imagining things like waking up with you beside me, but it never happened."

"Not until now. At least ngayon diba andito na ako?"

"Ahuh. Hindi na kita iiwan ulit." She said almost a whisper of vow deep with in her skin, rather than just a cloud of wishful thinking above our heads

"And I won't let you." I assured her just like that, she broke into a huge grin, she shifted from her back to her sides so we're face to face.

"Ang cheesy mo kagabi."

"Ikaw kasi eh. Sayo lang. Sayo pa rin." I breathe every word, as if wanting to give life to it, so it could tell Rhian that I am certainly telling her the truth.

She blushed. I stretched my arms between our distance to feel her flushed cheeks against my own skin. My hand is cold and ragged against the warm softness of hers, she quiver against my touch, closing her eyes as she leans against my hand.

The act was so simple yet so gentle and endearing at the same time.

"Rhian." I uttered making her open her eyes