Find Me || Calum Hood ✓

3.4

{Calum}. 

2ND TO LAST CHAPTER. 100 COMMENTS PLEASE.

I was going out of my freaking mind without her near.

She just walked away, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart which she dropped along with her own. You can tell so much about someone, by the way that they leave you. When did things get so bad? How did we end up like this? I sighed deeply, lost in regret. Was I losing her? Is that what this was? No... I think I'd already lost her.

It finally hit me just how badly the crash had affected her. I never actually stopped for a moment to think of what it must have been like for her. Not really, anyway. But if you were forced to see the love your life lying on the bridge of death, unable to say anything or do anything to wake them up take their pain away - wouldn't you go a little crazy, too?

Well, she wasn't crazy, but she was broken, and I did that to her. Last night - when she looked at me, her hazel eyes stared deep into mine and I finally understood her sadness. We were sitting right next to each other, yet there was so much distance between us that I knew even if I reached out and felt her soft skin under my fingertips; I knew there would still be a part of her that I couldn't find - one that I couldn't quite reach.

I remember the night I thought I was dying and I remember saying goodbye to her. She had no clue that I could even hear any of them, but I could. I wondered if there was a part of her that wished I never heard some of those things she said to me, almost like she hated herself for being so vulnerable in front of me because she knew it would only make it so much harder if I had to leave.

The look on her face when I told her that I could hear her really stumbled me. I couldn't quite make out what she was feeling, but it was like a mixture of fear and relief at the same time which didn't make any sense to me at all.

The time I opened my eyes, only for her to not be there almost broke me. I couldn't blame her, though. There was only so much pain a person could bare and I knew what she was thinking because I was thinking the exact same things as her. What if I don't make it?

I also remember when she started reading a few things to me because she had heard that talking to comatose patients can improve their chances of waking up. I thought she might have told me a few things from the news to let me know what the world was like whilst mine was falling apart, or maybe she'd read me a few messages from my friends and family - all sending their love and prayers for me to wake up. But she surprised me, the ache in my chest seeming to consume me as she spoke.

'I hope you find the love of your life,' she told me. 'And I hope you never have to understand what it's like to try and live life without them.' After she read that out to me, she told me it was something that her Grandma had said to her when she was younger at her grandfather's funeral. She then told me that she prayed she didn't have to attend mine. She said the words had stuck by her all these years, and only now was the pure pain behind them becoming a reality for her - one that she said she couldn't handle.

I was so completely empty inside that I had absolutely no idea what to do. It had seemed that hours had passed by and what was once the fading of the sun, was now the bright pale light booming down from the full moon. I realised then that I had been sat in the same position for what appeared hours since she left.

She had been running through my mind ever since and I was exhausted to the bone. It must have been four or so hours before I heard the front door being pushed open. I pulled my body off the bed, the sheets sticking to my sweat covered, anxiety stricken body before I made my way down the staircase. The pain didn't even bother me anymore. I pushed it aside, refusing to let it touch me. If only I could have done the same with the emotional pain.

I heard the rattling of bottles from the kitchen so I followed the sound to find Delilah raiding the cupboard for two wine glasses. She turned to face me when my bare feet sounded against the wooden flooring, a soulless smile meeting her lips as she stared at me.

She was drunk, and I could smell the alcohol from a mile off, but something was different this time. She was an alcoholic which meant that she had been drunk plenty of times before, and it seemed a lot too since I woke up in hospital, but I had never seen her like this before. Her long dark hair was a knotted mess and her makeup was smudged all over her face which only showed more evidence of crying. She looked at me and for a moment when her eyes met mine, it was like she almost didn't recognise me.

"Del," I choked out her name, the trembling of my voice not seeming to spark any form of emotion in her other than the complete emptiness which shone in her eyes. She continued on with her actions, setting four bottles of wine in a row on the kitchen counter. She reached for one and I took her hand as she did so, refusing to let her pour a glass of the substance. She glared at me bitterly as if I was taking away her happiness right before her eyes. She set the bottle on the counter and I slowly lowered my hand, my eyes set on her like stone.

And just like that, her anger changed to depression and she started to cry; almost like she was being possessed by something which she was trying her hardest to fight off. It was small whimpers, her tears rolling down to her lips and falling off her chin, splattering on the counter next to her hands.

Her eyes fluttered down to the bottles and a suppressed and lifeless laugh parted from her lips. My eyebrows furrowed together and I kept my distance, scared what would happen if I got too close to her.

"Delilah," I murmured her name, my voice weak and unsteady and I prayed she would look up at me and snap out of whatever this terror seemed to be.

She stared over at all the empty bottles on the kitchen bench, picking each one up with reasoning and then smashing it down onto the floor around her feet as the words flew out of her mouth.

"This one is for leaving you that night." She began with as you pushed the first bottle to its doom, shards of glass floating around in red liquid on the floor.

"This one is for causing that damn crash." She stated, her eyes simply staring at the floor, not even able to turn to look at the bottle as she pulled it from the bench.

"This one is for not being able to wake you up when I needed you." She told me, her voice breaking when she delivered the final few words.

"And this one," she paused, her breathing heavy as her chest rose and fell violently. "This one is for not being able to make you love me." Her voice a mere whisper, but the pain louder than ever as she pushed the last bottle inch by inch until it rolled off the counter, crashing into a hundred different pieces. Her lips trembled but she couldn't cry anymore, not could she scream. She stood there silent as a war erupted inside of her - one which I wasn't sure if she would win.

-

MOST LIKELY THE 2ND TO LAST CHAPTER, GUYS !!!

100 COMMENTS FOR AN UPDATE.

LET ALL YOUR DALUM FEELS OUT. 1 MORE CHAPTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN?

FIRST OF ALL, I JUST WANT TO SAY SORRY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER AS I'M SURE MOST OF YOU WULL HATE ME. GAHH, I CAN'T BELIVE THIS IS ALMOST OVER.

I luh ya cuties I luh ya luh ya luh ya cuties.