Persistence: Halls of Light (Dean Ambrose )* On Hold*

Chapter 7

Last nights events were still haunting me. I have never ever felt the way Dean made me feel last night. A woman who kept saying no in  my mind but couldn't find the way to say them. Dean took matters into his hands and made what he calls "Love to me" when in reality I felt it was more like rape. This man who I secretly liked has been a nightmare. he wants us to be a fake married couple and what's worse is us and my daughter living together as well. The the only part he wants real is the living together part nothing else. Why did the McMahon family sell me out like this. They became like a family to me but chose to sell out like they always do to there employees. that's what I just was to tem the whole time, an employee who was just hired to avoid a lawsuit against them. They  did this so they could keep me quiet and they succeeded. 

 I was alone in this what I could say beautiful hotel room. I really didn't know where we were but it had a nice view of the ocean. It seemed like a calm place but this is one memory I know I would not want to keep. I have been violated in many ways and this is too nice of a place with horrible reminders to keep.

Dean was I really have no clue where but he did leave a note saying he would be back and that our next round of baby making will begin. For someone who is  just using me , he really seems to want a kid but why? I don't as much as I wanted to back then want a kid with him. He is just what I see and that is a monster. A man who has friends and them knowing how he is just letting him getaway with all this. They did, and have offered help but I deny it. why is my mind denying it? Do I like the way he treats me or is it because I have fallen to hard for him before all this happen?

The ocean waves make a nice sound and it looks like a nice day to be there. I go to the double doors and slide one open. I don't know how long Dean would be gone but I think it would be okay if I sat on the sand just looking out. I'm not running away or anything just looking ,finding peace.

As I sat on the sand I start to think of ways too get out of this. I know one way is to give in but that is not an option for me. This is not how I imagine my life.  Maybe if I tell him....no that's too risky. I have been raped and what the McMahon family did for me but what they don't know is that the kid I had was from the rape. they think I was in a  relationship and the result ended up in me having Kathy but no I was raped . They know about it but not the whole truth they know I was violated and that I lost everyone around me. Kathy doesn't even know who her father is and I hope she never does but sometimes I do. She is growing up and she will be asking soon. I cant tell her she was from a  result of rape, no she can't know. Everyone around me doesn't know about Kathy. she has been hidden well as I want her too. My only happiness is hidden away well so no one can judge me of when I had. My rape has been kept top secret from everyone expect minor details from the people I use to call family.  I wasn't just raped once but on occasion. I didn't know until I started to have nightmares during my pregnancy. I saw multiple people's faces there and I remember I used to be drugged so I wouldn't feel the,. I was always left by the porch of my home and my so call friends  acted worried they knew all along and they ended up calling me a whore after the last one. they confessed to having all those men do things to e They made it there mission to hurt me for there pleasure. I hate the fact that they did it and since I had no family I was on my own till my so call happy ending turn in this nightmare. I never could trust anyone and I guess I shouldn't now either.

"What are you doing here."Someone said putting there arms around me.

"I just wanted to think .I know I was not allowed outside but I just needed to think is all. I just I don't know what I was thinking.  Are you going to punish me again?" I said.

"As much as I want too no, I'll take it easy tonight and since your still here and didn't even try to runaway.

"I just want to know what are your real intentions with me? "I said.

"Don't worry about it okay. Just stay with me and you'll see who I really am."He says pecking me cheek.

" Can I call my daughter? "I asked.

"No, right now she Is not allow to speak or see you. She will soon be with us and that's when I say .' He says.

"Oh." I said.

"Look I'm not being a bad guy I just want her to get accustom to my people and when we do lave longer she will be okay with them. if it makes you feel better she is starting to get use to them. Renee called me saying they have managed to get her t laugh and all do she is okay." He says.

"Can I send her a message at least?" I asked. 

He sighs. "Just this one time but I will be the one to tell it. you and I are not to have communication with them for a few days so get comfortable being here for a while. I have sometime off as well as you so it's perfect. thye know we will be trying for a kid so enjoy having that nice body of your since in a few months our child will be in there. 'He says placing a hand on my stomach.

"Do you really want a kid? 'I said.

"Whats with the 20 questions? "He asked annoyed.

"I'm juts making conversation, sorry for tryo to play the wife part. "I said.

"Baby just relax and I'm sorry for snapping at you. I know this is going to take time getting use to so just be patient with me." He says kissing my neck.

"I don't know if I can." I said trying to move away from him. Big mistake.

"Stop moving. your my girl and I will touch you at anytime. "He says pinning me down.

"Dean please I thought you said you be gentle ." I said.  

" Too bad, now stay put. " He says.

"Dean we could be seen please don't.

"No one is here but us baby. this is a private place your family rented us for a few weeks. We are all alone until next Tuesday when the house keepers come." He says.

"What?" I asked confused and shocked.

"So I have you all to myself and I heard sex on the sand next to the beach is hot so I'll enjoy this as much as I hope you enjoy it too." He says kissing me roughly.

Dean had his way of making me weak and giving in but something inside me was making me be obedient to him. I wanted him to touch me, push me around, and most importantly let him think I love him  in a way that was too good to be real. I'm falling for him because I love him and I think me doing what he says will help me escape at any moment. He will fall into my trap and I will not hesitate to leave him when the time is right.  I am in love with him but I cant be with someone who is only going to hurt me everytime. 

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