Beauty is A Beast (boyXboy)

Chapter 25

And then....

Arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back and saving me from almost making the biggest mistake of my life. My breathing was ragged, as I relaxed into the hard chest of the stranger behind me.

"Long time no see, Alexander," a voice that I've hoped I'd never see again.

"Jordan..." I whispered, my body froze and fear before I went into panic mode. I elbowed him in the stomach making him let go before backing away from him and the ledge. My hands were up in a defensive pose, "What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't be in the mental hospital getting help?"

He smiled at me sadly and for a moment I saw a glimpse the Jordan I fell in love with all those years ago. His chestnut hair was longer than the last time I saw him, his pale green eyes seem to have lost their light and his posture all together was timid. "I'm better now."

"No no no..." I repeated shaking my head," You can't get better. You can't come back, not now."

"Why where you trying about to....?" He asked while pointing to the edge of the bridge where I almost fell to my death."

"It's complicated, and none of your business," I said coldly. Above all the fear I was angry. Angry that I fell for him. Angry that I let him treat me any type of way, all because I loved him. I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't entirely his fault.

"Look, I know you probably hate me but like I said I'm better now, it's been three years. Three years of agony and torture, and finally three years of treatment. I have proper medication and I go to therapy once a week." He sighed heavily a small smile still on his, "It's really me Alexander, and it is my business. We may not be together anymore but I still love and care about you."

"No," I told him numbly.

"You don't get to say that to me. You don't get to sit here and tell me you love me and pretend that you care because you don't. You want to know why I almost jumped off that bridge?" I asked him.

He inclined his head.

"Because of you," his expression dropped at I said this, "I lost my memory in a car accident and I kept thinking about all the things you've said to me. How I don't deserve to be loved. How I am yours and yours alone, how I can and will never hate you no matter what you do to me." I whispered the last part.

He looked at me, heart broken, tears started to stream down his face, he crumpled to the floor landing on his knees, his hands covering his face. "I'm s-o sorry. Gosh I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something to take the pain away but I've damage you beyond repair. I didn't deserve you and I still don't. I hope you can one day find it in you to forgive me, but you have to understand, at the time I couldn't let you go. You were the only good thing I had, and even I fucked that up. I really didn't you."

I laughed humorlessly," That's funny, I remember you told me I deserved no one except you and for me there's nothing to forgive because after each and every time you hurt me, I forgave you. And the worst part is that deep down, I'll always love you. Even now when I found someone who treats me right, who loves me in the right way, I can't even enjoy it because I'm scarred he'll turn into you. I don't deserve him."

I felt horrible about my confession because that was the real reason I was scared to get serious with Matteo. I was scared that he'd act like Jordan did when he went off his meds and I didn't think I could handle that. I was scared that one day he'd wake up and realize he could do so much better. It's ironic really. I thought he would be my downfall but the more I think about it I will probably become his, the thought made my already broken heart break even more.