King of the Fall

Chapter 24 (2)

(Abel)

Let's not forget that I was stuck in the studio at 2AM when I was supposed to be with her. This shit was getting on my nerves, which was odd because prior to this, I loved being in the studio. I loved working on my music. I loved being around it. I loved knowing that I could make something new and that it would accepted and put out into the world. But, my priorities had since changed and I was well fucking aware of that. 

But what was I supposed to do? I was worried sick about my girl and she needed me. She really did. The doctors were slowly starting to relay only bad news and this was getting to me. I was so used to hearing that the treatment was working that once it stopped, so did my heart. I was unable to calm myself and tell myself that everything would be alright. I was unable to get a grip any longer. 

There was no news that it was getting worse but the doctor's said that it had come to a stand still. The tumor was not decreasing no matter what they did. Their initial goal had been for it to become small enough for them to operate and eliminate it from her body but now that was slowly looking impossible. So, finally, we had to make a decision. A) Stopping the treatment and letting her ride it out or B) Using rigorous treatments that can ultimately work but will probably leave her weak for several months to almost two years. 

It was a lose-lose situation but she was in charge of the choices and this was very painful. I knew she didn't want to have to go through Chemo in the first place but I didn't want to see her die in front of me, but neither did I want to see her suffer and go through something she really didn't want to. I was conflicted and torn and I had so much to think about, but here I was, stuck at the studio. 

(Elize) 

The doc told me that the new treatment had a better success rate but was way more painful. I'd have to take stronger drugs to live and then stronger drugs to avoid the pain of living. What was I supposed to do? I was sure that Abel already knew. I was finally home, after a long time. My previous treatment had officially ended and I was feeling weak as fuck.  

Abel told me that he was stuck at the studio and would be home around three. It was only nine, and so, I took the leisure of taking a few pain meds and the other prescribed drugs. I then changed out of my clothes and just put on a shirt and sat down in front of the TV wrapped in a blanket. I was definitely not feeling very well. I think that's to be expected.  

... 

I woke up to a kiss on my forehead and then saw Abel turn off the TV. I looked at the clock above the TV and it was four in the morning. I felt bad for him. Why were they working him so hard? He was already doing so well. It was such a painful and irritating thing to see him go through. 

"So, um... how was your day?" He asked me. 

"Pathetic." 

"Really? The doctor's gave you the news?" 

"Yeah."

"Are you still thinking about it?" 

"Abel, I don't want to do it." 

"Do what?" 

"The treatment. It sounds utterly painful and if it fails, the after pains are just going to get worse and worse. Why not just... ride this one out and say goodbye gracefully rather than live half-emaciated?" 

"You won't be emaciated... but you will be in pain that resembles it. I understand why you're so hesitant but Elize... can you imagine what your mom will go through? She just lost her husband, and if she loses you... And, I'll... I don't know what what I'll be doing... It just makes no sense... to not try." 

"But trying this Abel... will probably be a pretty bad thing... you know, for me. I'll have to live with it, and not to mention, experience it. No one else... but me." 

"Why not speak to someone who made it through this. They said that you have a week's time to decide before the treatment needs to be started in order for it to work."

"Fine. I'll meet someone. But... I don't know Abel." 

"Whatever you decide, okay? Just know that I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

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And, we're back. 

Anyway, I'll be writing what will be the last chapter of this book. Yes. It's ending at 25. I probably will be writing The Loft. I was supposed to start it soon but since I'm shortening this, I'm also rethinking THAT. But I'll see what to do. 
The thing is... I don't know whether the outcome will be good or bad. The sole reason being that I haven't started on the last chapter yet. 

I will be starting it once I publish this chapter. And, you'll probably have it by Sunday. so... check it out.

xo