3TS: The Chances of Starting Again

Red Eyes

Feb. 18 My eyes are filled with fog. Dirty, unclear, and confusing fog. But there's a light. And I'm going to catch it.

I slammed my bedroom door. My chest was inhaling and exhaling like crazy. 

I couldn't get it out of my head. The tricycle ride. Maria. Was it all real? I took out the silver card from my small desk drawer. I turned it around and around until my eyes ached from its flashes of light that bounced from my window.

I remember that day clearly. Ria and her silver tricycle. My principal was smiling and shaking hands before me. The clean buildings. Coming back late for school. And then...Juan.

My world is so messed up.

"You just can't stop messing up my life. Is that it?"

It was all because of me.

My heart felt heavy but my thoughts were running with a plan. I hadn't brought myself to try my idea until now. It was like restarting a game, knowing all the possibilities throughout the game, and knowing you will win. Yes, journal, my plan could work.

If I had really gone back in time.

I closed my eyes, "This couldn't have happened." I sat up in bed. "Did it?" I recalled the events and then held my head with two hands. "Ugh, no, this didn't happen." I sighed.

If this would work...

I moved my hands slowly to cover my face. I sighed, "I can't believe I'm doing this. Again."

I slid out of bed and put on a jacket as I looked out of my window. Rain was pounding outside for the third day this week.