3TS: The Chances of Starting Again

Don't Deny It

Denying your feelings for the boy of your dreams. Cause: You don't want to hope that he likes you back. Symptom: Lying to yourself and to your friends that you like him. Cure: Don't deny.

When we finally got home, I was silent.

There wasn't much to hide from my mom, Journal. It was just that my crush had just brought me home. Well, as close to bringing me home as a guy could. And I was coming home late because he was showing me his guitar playing. No problem.

Besides, I had told her I was coming home a little later because I was having guitar practice with a friend. But she decided to pick me up anyways.

Yep, there was no problem.

I closed the door as fast as I could, then tried to run down the hall to my room. But then, my mom was there. Blocking my way. Looking at me as if something mysterious was going on.

A blaring sound went off in my head. Oh no, there's a problem! There's a big problem.

She noticed.

I gulped. My mom just kept looking at me with a sly smile.

I slung my backpack onto the couch as I tried to ignore her staring so I wouldn't look jittery under her heavy stare.

My mom leaned in the doorframe, eyeing me. "I saw him you know."

"You did? Wait...who?" I kept my gaze on the drama TV series I watched every night. But Journal, it's hard to keep your eyes on the same act you had done just a few minutes ago. I watched as a boy and girl hid their smiles from each other as the boy said good night to her. My heart pounded loud enough for my mom to hear.

My mom sat next to me, "Don't deny it. I saw him."

Alarms and bells were going off in my head. I laughed.

"Mom, he's just a friend."

She looked at me in the yeah-right-he's-just-your-friend way.

"Mom, he was there just to protect me from the dangers of the outside world." I put out my arms as I put on a fake smile, glancing at her.

She smiled and laughed, "I heard that too. And..." She gestured to my guitar in the corner, "I saw a guitar with him too."

I rolled my eyes then I laughed aloud. There was no way to deny it now. My mom knew me. Every single facial feature of mine was embedded in her sharp memory. "Yes, mom. I was hanging out with him. I was seeing him play his guitar." I finally smiled at her as I cuddled next to her.

She smiled back, "Mm-hmm. What's his name?"

I buried my face in her hair, suddenly feeling shy. I don't know why, Journal, but every time I talk about my feelings outside of your pages it feels...like my biggest secret was revealed to the whole school.

I said softly in her ear, "Trent."

I felt like my heart was beating fast, and that I was blushing as I recounted events that had happened at school. I feel good talking about my crush to someone I can trust. Like you. My mom would never reveal my crush to anyone, or give a single clue. That's one of the reasons why I love her.

Sure, Arlene's my best friend. But, at the moment, she was thinking I had a different crush. Someone else. So, I couldn't tell her.

Yet.