3TS: The Chances of Starting Again

Hope

Hope. It's a strong word. It's a word that keeps you going. It's a word that helps you see the positive side of things. It's a word that winds around your heart and keeps it warm. 

I felt a wind at my back. I smelled fresh air. I heard the engine of a car. Or a tricycle's engine?

I opened my eyes, finding myself on the ground. Heaving myself up, my back ached with pain. It felt like it was on fire.

Sitting up, I touched my back ever so gently. Feeling soft, thick fabric instead of my thin pajama shirt, I looked down at my clothes. Actually, I wasn't looking down at normal clothes, Journal.

I was looking down at my Valentines Ball dress. DRESS.

Questions spurred through my mind.

What was I doing in a dress? Was I back into the first cycle? Or did I just come back one day?

But the only way these mysteries could be solved was to find the answer.

Taking a look around, I found myself on the steps leading to the school entrance. My school bag was by my side, as if I had just fallen on the first step. The school doors were just lighting with decorative pink lights and hearts near the door. From my memory, they were supposed to come on when it was...6 pm?

If I was back...would Trent be back?

The thought snapped me back into my chase, Journal. It snapped me back into my urgency.

The urgency that I needed to run.

I slammed through the school doors, almost falling forward from my long skirt and heels. Balancing myself against the wall, I moved on again. As fast as two legs in heels could carry me.

Just as I was passing down the hall, I could hear something in the bathroom. The familiar sniffing of my best friend.

My feet stopped working. My breathing stopped working.

No. He's not dead.

I didn't want to move forward anymore, Journal. Her sniffing could tell me what I needed to know. I came back a day before. I came back to the moment when I broke down. I came back to the time when Arlene told me the tragedy.

And if I heard the news again that he was dead...I could break down again. But it didn't matter anymore. This was it. This was the truth...

Trent's not coming back.

At least I knew. At least I could stay with Arlene this time and comfort her as much as I could. At least now...I could take the truth to heart and leave it there. 

My arms were loose at my side. I couldn't feel them. I was too numb.

With all my effort, I pushed at the girls' bathroom door.

I had to be there for my best friend. I had to be strong. And then, after all that, I had to stay strong.

Because the only thing that was keeping the world crashing down on me was the thought that someone needed me. Someone needed me to be the example. 

I needed to be the one to raise her up.