How I Lost You ;; Seungkwan [ON HOLD]

viii. 에잇

{ s e u n g k w a n }

Confused
-; of my own actions.
-; of the words that came out of my mouth

"Words that escape from my lips,
Never was meant to disappoint.
But feelings rages inside,
Begs to be outspoken by words."

I'm sorry.

;;

All I can think of is "I'm sorry, Chaemi."

Me myself either believes that I said those words. I couldn't believe such words came out of my mouth. It's just my feelings can't handle anymore. All those built up emotions—jealousy, anger, frustration. It just came out.

I'm so embarrassed of myself, Chaemi.

I shouldn't have done that. I'm regretting all of it, believe me.

I wish I could turn back time. If I did then things would work out better than I expected. 

The question is, why can't she just love me back? I feel like I'm the only one hurting here. This is a one-sided love that hurts as days go by.

At this moment, I'm having a big mental breakdown. I couldn't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, my expectations disappoint me. The scene earlier still haunts me.

1:47 am

The time said.

;;

I stared at my deceiving phone.

This is the very first time we haven't exchanged any "good nights" before sleeping. Shit. This is real. God, how much have I messed up our friendship

I wanted to text her. But something inside me is refraining me to do so. What if I just upset her more if I texted her? But what if she's waiting for my text? Aaaagh I don't know anymore.

I decided not to.

Maybe I should give her a rest. Some space to think. I don't know.

;;

Seungkwan glanced to his window and saw the sun rising.