How I Lost You ;; Seungkwan [ON HOLD]

xii. 트웰브

{ s e u n g k w a n }

anxious
-; afraid or nervous especially about what may happen

"As seconds go by,
My heart beats faster,
And as it comes closer,
My mind goes more anxious than ever."

;;

Tonight is the time to tell her about my feelings.

But I'm afraid.

Boo Seungkwan, don't be a coward.

But I am.

;;

I arrived at the park early.

I didn't want to disappoint Chaemi again.

But as time goes by, more people pass by, the sky gets darker, Chaemi doesn't come.

And it makes me anxious. Really.

I sit in the bench beside the flickering lamp post and think about this. This whole situation. I can't believe a single mistake of mine can change our friendship. And I feel utterly disappointed of myself. How can I be so selfish and only think about myself? My own feelings?

And the fact that Chaemi will never like me hurts me real bad. I lost the confidence in me. My self-esteem goes down when I see her happy with someone else.

Why can't she love me back?

But this is called selfishness. I should just be happy of our friendship. At least we are friends.

But my heart wants something more.

It's hard to hide my feelings for her. It was so hard that I disappointed not only her, but also myself.

And then tears came out of my eyes.

I couldn't take this anymore.

I let my tears fall from my saddened eyes. I just want to let this out. I know Chaemi shouldn't be seeing this, but at this moment I don't think she will even come. People eye me as they pass by, but I don't care anymore.

My head falls on the palms of my hand. I let myself bury of my hands and cry my heart out. This is the first time I've cried so hard.

Maybe I should just accept the fact that she hates me now. But the sad reality was I can't.

;;