How I Lost You ;; Seungkwan [ON HOLD]

xiii. 터틴

{ c h a e m i }

Oppressed
-; : to treat a person in a cruel or unfair way.
: to make someone feel sad or worried for a long period of time.

"I felt like a big burden to him,
For I never considered his feelings.
I never heard his side,
And truly that was unfair."

;;

I never knew he felt that way.

;;

After his message alarmed me, I stared at it for a long time.

But then I fell asleep.

Ugh. Chaemi. You suck.

This is the chance Seungkwan has given you to explain himself.
Yet you are sleeping???!?!1?

I'm so fucked up right now.

When I woke up, the clock showed 7:34 pm. And 7 was our meeting time.

God Seungkwan must have been waiting for me already. Oh and did I mention, its cold af right now outside?

I quickly dressed up and rushed to the park we promised to meet up.

But then as my steps get closer, I hear someone's sniffling. I slowly peaked and saw the boy crying.

Boo Seungkwan.

Like seriously, Boo Seungkwan is crying? Hell no.

That boy never cried in front of me. I mean he was always cheerful and happy and high as heck.

But now he's crying?

This is unbelievable.

As soon as I laid my eyes on him today, my heart immediately felt like forgiving him.

I wanted to approach him but my mind is hesitating. What if he's mad at me?

I never wanted to disappoint him, again. That's why I feel more burdened right now. Seeing him sob like a kid makes me feel like crying with him, too.

I mean, I love him too. But I wasn't sure if he would ever feel the same for me. I was scared to confess because I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

And maybe that's why I felt terrified of the reason of his recent treatment. I was scared of the reason why he acted that way.

I took a step back. But I stepped on a stupid rock.

And it made a sound.

Seungkwan immediately rose his head that was buried on his hands and looked around.

Then we locked eyes.

He quickly wiped his tears and wore a fake smile.

I, having no choice, approached him.

And with a runny nose, Seungkwan ran towards me. "Oh hi Chaemi, how long have you been standing there?" It was very obvious that he cried.

"I''m very very sorry that I'm late. You must be waiting for me... I just came right now." I lied.

I saw everything you did there Seungkwan, and I feel disgusted of myself. I oppressed you, and it made me feel guilty of everything I've done. I should've heard your reasons first, before assuming things.

"Oh no its okay Chaemi... I.. do you want to sit in the bench?" he offered.

I nodded and we went to the bench.

"Chaemi, I just wanted to apologize to you. I know that I have made a mistake and I feel really regretful of that... I hope you forgive me." Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes and my heart breaks a little.

I held his hands and looked through his brown orbs. "Seungkwan, you know that I can always hear you out when you have a problem, right? You didn't have to hide your problem with me. You should've just told your problem. But of course, I will forgive you. But first, why did you even do that? What was your problem?" I looked at him with concern.

He couldn't look at me.

"I don't think it matters anyways. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am of my behavior. I hope we can be friends again. Like you know, before." He was looking down on the stones by his feet.

"Sure, Seungkwan. I respect your decision, and I accept your apology since you're my best best friend." I smiled and gave him a hug.

It felt nice to be in his arms again. His hugs are my favorite.

But after that hug, he still wore a saddened smile. I wonder what his problem was.

He offered to give me a bus ride home. He wasn't his usual cheery self, though. I tried cheering him up, tickling him, making him smile a bit.

It wasn't until the old couple asked us, "Are you guys a couple? You look so cute together!"

It felt awkward. I looked at Seungkwan and he had the same reaction as me.

I was about to reply we were just friends. But it looks like the boy beside me voiced it out first.

"No, we are just friends, close friends."

Friends.

And it broke my heart.

He had his sad smile back on.

I fiddled with my fingers that were cold at the moment. I wished I could wrap my hands around his, but I can't. I glanced over him and he was dozing off.

His eyes were still a bit puffy, his nose was still red from crying so much.

Again, I admired his features and decided that I really love him. But he just doesn't love me back. He just thinks of me as a close friend.

But my heart wished something more.

;;