Timeless [h.s]

Twenty five

Stuart

Breakfast was awkward and silent. The weight of what we'd do settled among us heavily, each one handling the situation in a particular way. Beyond the fear, I felt embarrassment. The memory of what I did was still fresh on my mind; whenever I caught Oliver glancing my way I remembered the heated kiss and the choice I made.

I couldn't pretend I wasn't attracted to him and his attentive blue eyes but I knew that was entirely different, and way less intense, than what I felt for Harry. I gave into temptation but I also followed Sienna's advice, even though it pained me. I made my move and showed Oliver some interest, a gesture that would secure my future if things went wrong. Obviously none of it would matter, considering Harry had noticed I lied to him, once again. I was preparing myself for the worse, for the dreadful conversation we'd have once he broke up with me.

Confusion and gloom clouded my thoughts, my hands gripping the tea mug tightly. Not even the camomile was calming me, but I suspected not even an opioid would at that point. I felt like I was constantly disappointing others , swaying like a leave in heavy wind, not sure what I was doing with my life. We had a short term goal but I worried about our next steps. How would I draw Gaston out of hiding? Would I be able to kill him when the time came? Those thoughts swirled in my mind but the more I thought about, the blurrier my answers became.

"I think we should get going. The visit through the castle lasts a couple hours, so we can slip away unnoticed and come back before the group leaves. We don't want to draw unnecessary attention to ourselves." Everyone nodded along Miles' words. We had revised the plan millions of times, thought about everything that could go wrong. These people were willing to sacrifice themselves for me and I honestly had no words to express the gratitude I felt.

My heart hammered inside my chest, the idea of visiting my old living place completely surreal. I knew it had been there long before I was born and it would probably still be there for long but I had somewhat convinced myself that the castle and the life I led there were only a distant dream. Each passing year solidified that lie inside my brain, but coming back would undo everything I fought so hard to forget.

Everyone got up and picked their own belongings. Maps, flashlights, food, water. I knew Oliver and Miles had guns but I never saw the objects. I had my own pocket knife safely tucked inside my bag too, the irony of my action not lost in me. We got inside the car silently, no one daring to break the bothersome lack of conversation. Sienna gently squeezed my hand and I looked into her preoccupied eyes, smiling a bit.

I paid careful attention to the beautiful scenario outside, the winter unforgiven and always a trusted reminder that some things were unaltered, no matter how much time passed. I couldn't focus properly on my thoughts, jumping from one subject to another without much conviction. I tried to breathe slowly, to focus on something other than the impeding situation but I couldn't, anxiety seeping through every pore of my body.

"We're here." Miles announced a few minutes later. As promised, the car ride took less than twenty minutes and as I laid eyes on my old house an unspeakable emotion took over me. The memories rushed in like I expected, and as we got closer to the old building my heartbeat fastened considerably. I felt weirdly exposed, as if someone would recognise me and throw me in jail. That thought was ridiculous but it kept haunting me, along with images of my old friends' faces.

Oliver opened the back door and offered me a hand, helping me out the car as I realised everyone had already left. He squeezed my fingers and looked deeply into my eyes, reminding me of the way Sienna's mum used to do the same before her swimming lessons.

"You can do this, Charlotte. I'm here for you, everyone is." I nodded, getting out of the high SUV with his aid. I dropped his hand after a couple seconds, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. Beside us, many tourists walked towards the entrance of the castle. Even though it was a Sunday morning everyone chatted excitedly, marvelling over the old building.