Too Close for Comfort • jdb ( #wattys2016 )

(18) Love Over Everything

WARNING: IF YOU ARE HOMOPHOBIC IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM, I ADVISE YOU NOT TO READ THIS CHAPTER.

(18) Love Over Everything

Mary

Ahh, gossip magazines. 

The slimiest, grimiest, most ruthless creation known to mankind.

Like take Us Weekly for example.

This week, they put up some article that I'm 4 months pregnant with Marcus' baby, and that that's the only reason why he wanted to go exclusive with me.

If they had done their fact checking like any respectable form of print journalism would, they would know that I'd met Marcus exactly 3 weeks ago and since that point, we've seen each other about a handful of times, all of which we have not been sexually active in any way.

Well except for kissing of course, but when your dating Marcus Bellfort, that's just a given.

I know Marcus has other girlfriends. And believe it or not, I'm ok with it. I'm not looking for anything serious. As a matter of fact, I'm not really looking for anything at all.

The only guy I could ever even think about settling down with is the guy that I know that I can't have.

The guy who's been AWOL for almost 3 weeks now.

Well, exactly 20 days, 9 hours and 37 minutes- but who's counting?

The last time I saw him was last week, at the studio with Marcus & Scooter, when he sung that beautiful, beautiful song that left me so choked up that I just had to get out of there.

It's so stupid, actually. That the sound of his voice could have such an affect on me. I can't stop thinking about him. It's like he's ingrained in my mind like a tattoo; permanent and filled with pain.

I've so desperately tried to get back to the person I used to be; the less intellectual, carefree, unworried version of myself. The version of myself that doesn't need Justin Drew Bieber in her life.

Too bad I have to face the awful truth, that no matter how hard I try, I always will need him in my life.

Every night that Marcus has been in town, we go clubbing. He's like a walking golden ticket, no matter where he goes, he gets in just like that.

We've been to every club on this side of New York City, where we stay up until 4 AM, drinking and dancing our asses off.

When the time comes to go home, it's always the same story; Marcus parks the car with the valet, walks me to my door, and than tries to make a move.

You'd think I was crazy to repeatedly reject my childhood idol's sexual invitations, and in any other case, trust me, I'd be jumping his bones like my life depended on it.

But I'm this rare case, I just can't find myself doing so. Maybe it's because I know he's got a girl in every state, or that he's constantly drunk as hell when he makes a pass at me..but the main reason is because I know that if I give myself to him, the whole time I'll only be thinking about the hazel eyed blonde boy that unintentionally stole my heart.

So, just like every time, I always say no to him, say I'm just to tired, give him an innocent peck on the lips, than shut the door in his face, knowing that he's probably so drunk that he won't remember this in the morning.

Than, after checking that my mom and Jeremy were sound asleep, I go to Justin's currently empty room, and without rhyme or reason, sit on his bed, lye back, and just cry. Cry as I smell his sheets, cry as I remember all the good times we had in here, from the songwriting sessions to the heart to heart conversations, to the heated debates about pop culture until 1 AM, Cry as I realize that my best friend, the guy who I'd told everything to and built such a strong trust with, is gone.