I visit her everyday.
She forgave me, we got back together, but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered now was for her to get better.
That wasn't happening. It seemed as if the more Chemo she went through it just killed her even more and she knew she was slowly deteriorating.
It's been three months since she's found out and 5 months since this deadly sickness attacked her body.
I've been going to church a lot more, been prying a lot more, trying to talk to Paisley about God a lot more.
I wish I could make her well, take all of her pain away but I can't. They only thing I can do is Say it will get better.
I've been saying that a lot recently, but I don't know if it's more for me or for her.
The doctors told me she isn't responding to the Chemo and nothing is getting better, they want to try to put her on something else but there not quite sure if it will work. I told them to ask her what she wanted.
Deep down inside I feel like I'm mentally preparing my self for when she passes. I'm not sure if it's working but I'm going to have to be strong for Dakota. It kills me that Dakota might not grow up having a mom around, but I'll do my best to make sure she still lives in Dakota's heart. We've actually discussed it and she said She's been keeping a journal since she became pregnant. She says it's all for Dakota and one day when I feel the time is right, she wants me to give it to her...if everything turns to the worst.
She says it's for all of the typical girl problems boys, periods, make up and all of that stuff. She says she's also included segments where it's kind of like a diary. She has pictures of all of us in the book, one was the maternity pictures we had taken a couple weeks before Dakota was born.
Flashback.
"Cameron which outfits should I wear?" Paisley asked me frantically. She had been staring at her closet all morning and at five months pregnant she's began to grow impatient with just about everything.
"Well you are doing one of those nude shots still so we've got that figured out." I poked trying to lighten the mood . She chuckled while flipping through her Items once again.
"What about this dress, it's cute." She says with an unsure tone. The white lace dress had a light brown belt that went just underneath her boobs. I had just bought that dress for her a few months ago and it looked stunning on her. After all it is a maternity dress so I don't see why she couldn't wear it.
"Babe, you look really good in that dress. And what about a comfy look to, like bring some leggings and......" My voice trailed off while I reached into the closet pulling down a wrapped box.
"This." I finished and she smiled. She loves surprises so I thought this would be perfect.
Her fingers lifted up the lid and her beautiful genuine smile said a thousand words.
"Cameron this is adorable!" She gushed while holding the sweatshirt in front of her.
The jacket said
Mamma Dallas
Established in 2015
Written on the back and on the front in the left shoulder area in smaller print.
"I got one too so we could be matching, I thought it was a cute Idea." She squealed when I showed her my matching Daddy Dallas sweatshirt. Of course she made an innuendo but that's just her personality.
"Cameron I'm not an official Dallas though." She said sadly and I know what she was hinting. I want to merry Paisley I really do but I just want to ask her at the right time.
"I know, but you will be in time." She smiled at me and gave me long lingering kiss.
End of Flashback
The picture was taken from behind. Paisley and I were walking down a random street holding hands, wearing our matching jackets and holding Starbucks. The leaves were scattered around on the ground and drew everything together. She did however pick the black and white version for the book, she always thought black and white made her look thinner.
I think she's beautiful regardless of any filter.
Cameron I'm not an official Dallas though.
Those words played in my mind relentlessly and then it clicked.
I want to marry Paisley.
"Paisley..." I say while the beauty fluttered her eyes open and turned her head towards me.
"Yes Cam." She replied tiredly.
"Marry me." She was shocked by the words that fell out of my mount and her eye's grew wide.
"Cameron, you don't want to merry me right now are you insane!" I smiled and nodded my head.
"Insanely In love. Paisley remember at the maternity shoot I gave you the jacket? Do you remember what we said?" She thought about it for a minute and took a deep breath.
"I said I wasn't really a Dallas.....and you said not yet."
"Exactly! Paisley this is it....this was how it's supposed to happen! What do you say?"
''I say your crazy! Cameron I'm Dying. Do you not understand that? Why would you want to marry some one who isn't going to be able to love you for much longer?"
"Because I love you, what if this is the last chance we get to say our vows? Paisley I love you and I want to marry you." She rolled her eyes and sighed.
"You don't even have a ring nor someone to even marry us. And what about a witness?"
"I bought a ring before you left I was planning on asking you before, I can get the pastor at the church I've been attending to marry us and we can ask the guys to come!" I said with excitement.
"Fine." I leaped out of my chair and gave her a kiss before fleeing home to get the ring. I called the pastor and explained the situation. He was more then happy and agreed to meet me in an hour or so. In the mean time I rounded up some of the guys including Carson and Dakota. I made sure to being our matching jackets for this one last special occasion.
The hospital room was quite full and Mahogany gave Paisley a little make over while I was rounding everyone together.
She looked so beautiful.
I handed her her jacket and she slipped it on inhaling the sent of home she missed so much. The private wedding went on and she became Mrs. Paisley Rose Dallas.
She was mine.
