Sorry, I Love You!

21. My Salvation

Song of the chapter// My Salvation by Gabrielle Aplin

Eugene Hansen's POV....

I woke up with a huge grin on my face. The memories of last night crawled back to my hazy mind overwhelming me with my new found emotions but I am not scared anymore.

Yes, I like her.

I like her and I was not afraid to admit it anymore.

Hell, I even admitted it to her last night. I didn't know what made me do it but the words just tumbled out of my mouth like I had no control over them. The word formed on its own accord. I was as shocked as she was when I heard the words that left my mouth. I hadn't dared to admit it to myself because then it would feel too real and I didn't want that.

But, last night, when I finally let my emotions take over me and admitted it aloud, I was surprised to find that it didn't felt as I was expecting it to be. On the contrary, I felt relief....free like a huge weight had lifted off of my chest releasing me from the burden I was carrying with me for such a long time. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more it felt real and the more I inched closer to the happiness I hadn't felt for three years.

I knew she feels the same for me. I had seen it in her eyes and I had also seen the fear in them. She was scared too...I could comprehend with that although we both had totally different reasons for the fear, but I could still connect to that feeling.

She was scared of getting her heart broken after all that she had went through and I was scared of making her fears come true. I was scared that I will screw up everything like my father. I didn't trust myself with her feelings. And, she was right I wouldn't be able to trust again if I wouldn't let go of the things I had buried in my heart. I needed to let go.

I didn't have any reason to change but now I have. Abigail! I wanted to be with her without having to worry about breaking her heart and for that I would have to let go of the past. I knew it won't be easy but for once I was willing to do it because now I had a reason.

A loud knock on my door jolted me out from my thoughts. "Gene, wake up." Chris shouted from the other side of the door. Hearing his voice, my mind automatically travelled to Julie. Abigail wanted me to wait but I am not sure if I could hide it from him. I just hoped I wouldn't say anything that I will regret. I sighed as I moved from my bed to open the door.

As soon as I opened the door, Chris barged inside and roughly plopped down on the bed. I stood shocked as I turned to inspect his appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair disheveled and clothes wrinkled like he hadn't changed since yesterday.

"Whoa! What's with the look, buddy? Are you okay?"

"No, I am not okay. I – I messed up, Gene. I messed up huge." He groaned, rubbing his palms over his face.

"What happened, Chris? You are freaking me out."

"It's Julie." He murmured.

I panicked. "What about her?"

"I told her the truth. I told her who I really am and – and she didn't take it well, buddy. She –" he trailed off, his voice defeated as he hid his face in his hands.

I reached over and patted his shoulder for assurance. "You did good, Chris. You were being honest with her."

"Yeah, and now I lost her, Gene. I fucking lost her. You should have seen her face. She was hurt. She felt betrayed and all because of me. She told me that she didn't want to see my face ever again. She hates me and it's my entire fault. I screwed up big time. I don't know what to do. I can't live without her Gene. I can't." he confessed, shooting me with hundreds of guilty arrows.