Twilight Rays

16. Turn the knife

Raja's POV

Paris. The city of love, once decided someone.

I was stuck there, and I only enjoyed talking in French after spending nearly a month in London. My trip was quite cool, but I really wanted to do one thing.
Go back in Canada.
Turned out, I really missed it. I wasn't quite sure why. Maybe I didn't want to move on from my life there. Not yet. And then there was Twilla. TNT. Tweetie Bird. (Twinkle) little star.

When I left, I only had one goal in mind: forget her. Forget who she was. Forget her words. Forget her smile. Forget that warmth in my stomach whenever she was near.

But she's unforgettable.

The dull pain of distance did left, only to be replaced with melancholy. She would find her way in my mind when I woke up and when I went to sleep. And, sometimes, when I'd walk alone in the streets, I would try to stop thinking where was she wandering at that moment. Who was she telling all her secrets, all her dreams. I was a good liar, so good I was able to lie to myself. But I was counting the days until I'd see her again. Oh, what was I thinking when I bought my tickets. I'll die of nostalgia before I'd tough those 10 weeks.

On that very cold day of February, I was eating on the couch while watching some TV when I got a Skype call. From Jauschua
"Hey man!"
"Hey, how's it going?"
"Me, good, TNT, awful"
"T... what?"
"OMG, Twilla!"
"Yes, I got that part, what's wrong with her?"
"Nobody knows. She won't talk to anyone."
"Not even DeeDee?"
"Especially DeeDee, otherwise she'd spill it in a matter of seconds."
"Well, do something, force the door, crash the window, anything!"
"Just get here already! She needs you."
"But she doesn't want me."
"Man, you're the one who's supposed to understand girls. Did you actually thought she meant it? You blocked her on Facebook, she let you know she was hurt, just apologize! Plus, you'll never move on if you guys don't talk. You better just go see her and Lord knows what will happen."
"Okay, but it's not like I have any money or something to buy a ticket plane."
And her parents' approuval.
"Her mom told me she'd pay it for you."
"OMG, Tweetie must be really bad if her mom actually wants me to see her."
"How did you call Twilla ? Anyway, there's something else I should tell you if you come back? Even two."
"What?"
"Primo, Clara ran away the day you left. Nobody knows where she is. She just left a note to Twilla."
"Ouch."
"Yeah. Deuzio, and that's quite delicate to explain..."
"Dude, just spill it already."
"You remember Calvin, right?"
"Yeah, Twilla's friend?"
"He's dead."
"You're freaking kidding me?"
"If only..."
I was shocked. And worried about how I'd find Twilla when I'd get back.
"How though?"
And for the first time in my life, I saw my best friend sobbing (sobbing people) before he answered:
"He hung himself."
I ended the call.

I tried to forget about Calvin in the plane, but I couldn't. I knew just how much he meant to Twilla. She did like him for three years in a row. And he just gave up on life. She must be devastated.

I never saw her cry. Not even when Jo stepped in her appartment. Not even when she flushed me out of her life - and clearly, it was hard for her - through DeeDee's Messenger. What now? Would she even be happy to see me? I only felt I'd turn the knife in her wound.

The waiting was killing me. When the plane arrived at Montreal, I had no idea who would come to pick me up so when I saw Destinée and Twilla's mom waving at me, the nervosity only increased. I was going to see her.

Destinée and I talked pretty much the entire ride. I tried to not bring up the T subject, but DeeDee ran out of stories about her family.
"So, did you prepare your apology letter for TNT?"
I could see Léa's, Twilla's mom, knuckles turn white on the steering wheel.
"Wait, I'm seeing her today? I'm still a little jet lag from the trip."
"It has to be today. Ray, if it wasn't about God, I'm pretty sure Twilla would've starved herself to death. The girl hasn't eaten in five days."
"Please, tell me this is a joke."
"Raja, you don't wanna go there."
"Will one of you be there? She hates me -"
"She has good reasons to do so." DeeDee interrupted me.
"I didn't have the choice, I..."
I grew silent. I wasn't sure I could tell the whole story to DeeDee and Léa.
"Jauschua told me you got baptized. Is that true?" Destinée suddenly asked.
"Yeah, in London."
"So you're converted?"
"Yes, Destinée."
"Congrats! I know someone will be happy about it."
"Really?"
"Oh my, I'm talking about T!"
"I'm not planning on telling her, she won't believe me anyway."
"We're here!" Léa said with a forced smile.
Oh my. He was already waiting for me on the porch.