Crowned

Chapter Seven: Blame

A hand takes mine breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Jaclynn?" Mathieu looks at me worriedly.

"Don't hurt yourself, I was simply deep in thought."

"About what?" He prys.

"How simple my life use to seem. I was young and a princess, so I thought I had any man to choose from when I grew older. Now I am older and I realize I never had a choice, It was always up to my parents."

He looks at me thoughtfully.

"If you truly wish. I am sure there is a way out of this for you." He says almost unaudibly.

I look at him stunned.

"You would then have to forfeit the throne. And Everyone is arriving and the world knows of our wedding. It's too late to change anything, that's why my parents made it so sudden, It was so I couldn't escape." I feel deflated as I realize the truth of this all.

Quickly I excuse myself and run to the garden to sit by the little red rose bush.

I hear Mathieu's footsteps behind me but feel too broken to ask him to leave.

Tears stream down my face as the underlying message presents itself.

"They thought no one would love me, so they looked to marry me off, but no one was interested in a lonely, bratty American Princess. They had to bribe for a country to take me under the facade of love." I whisper aloud more to myself than to Mathieu who I am certain is near me.

A loud sob wracks my body.

"No one wants me. Oh my god, I couldn't even be given away. They paid to get rid of me. What makes me so repulsive? What makes me unwanted? Why am I unlovable? Am I not smart enough? Is it my looks?" I whisper through sobs.

Mathieu sits beside me and holds me in his arms.

I try to push him away but all of my efforts are in vain.

"Why are you okay with this? Why are you marrying the girl that everyone doesn't want, the girl everyone hates?" I whisper.

"Because you are wanted, you are smart, talented,beautiful, and amazing. At times you are quite stubborn yes and perhaps a bit terrifying but you were not bribed away. Your parents went to mine first having known we were once friends, they did worry that you wouldn't find a husband, but they thought you did not want one."

"Don't lie to me."

"I am not Jaclynn. I am sure there are thousands of men that dream of you each second. That's why I find it lucky that I have you."

I push him away from me.

"What?"

"Jaclynn, I had asked your parents if you were seeing anyone. I wanted to know if it was a possibility that I come here to see if you would like to have a relationship. Your parents thought that betrothal was the best thing for you and the country..." He trails off.

"This is your fault?!?" I exclaim. I stand up wiping the tears from my eyes, "Oh this is just perfect, I am going through Hell and beyond because of your lust!" I scream not caring who hears. "How am I to know that you didn't just plan all of this! To think that I was beginning to wonder if this would actually work out in some cliche story book way. How stupid of me to even think such a thing! I Promise that I will find a way out of this as soon as possible and make it a hell of a time for you. Do not speak to me until next Saturday."

"But I L-"

"Do not even start with the I have loved you since were children crap. You have ruined any miniscule possibility." With than I leave him sitting among the flowers and walk off towards the shore.

As I turn the corner of the rose bushes I hear an odd noise and stop dead in my tracks.

Crying.

I realize it must be Mathieu and it makes no sense.

My words couldn't have harmed him that much I have said much worse,

unless...

I try to push the rouge thought out of my mind but fail.

Unless of course he really did love you since you were children. There is a reason he contacted your parents to see if you could date.

I realize the magnitude of my words and everything seems to make sense, the crestfallen looks, the discouraged smiles, and the tears now.

Everything I have said to him in the past few weeks must be tearing him apart but there is nothing I can do about it.

I am angry that this is his fault.

I don't want to marry anyone at this age never mind be forced to.

There has been nothing kind said between us.

And most importantly,

The feeling isn't mutual.

Is it?

No it's not.

Yes the kisses were nice for a second but as would any first kiss or two as it is a whole new aspect in your life entirely. And yes when I was younger I had feelings for him but he was the only boy other than my brother I actually had the time to talk to and get to know.

Those are natural things.

Yet I feel terrible for ignoring his emotions, and there is no solution that will make us both happy.

I will be his wife, he gets that. But it is involuntarily and there is no love. And I am being forced to pretend for the rest of my life, but nothing will happen between us.

I stay near the opposite side of the rose bush and listen to him cry and eventually fall into silent tears.