Crowned

Chapter Eleven: Back to the Cage

I turn and see Mathieu with a tear stained face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask unable to breathe.

"I should be asking you that very question." He says quietly. " I saw you leave the ballroom and Abigail told me that you were feeling Ill, so I went to check on you and I saw your dress on the ground. Jaclynn, you were going to run away weren't you? The very idea of marrying me repulsed you so much didn't it? Not anger. I am not sure how many times you have hurt me, yet I still let myself think that there is a chance you may grow to love me."

"I can't apologize to you." I whisper. "I cannot force emotions! I can not be perfect! And most importantly I cannot be Queen of France! I don't want to leave America, This is my home and you are stealing me away from it. I have tried everything to make myself okay with this but I can't! I don't love you! I don't want to leave! I don't want to live in a country I am totally unacquainted with! I don't want to be forced to be around people I don't know 24/7!"

I look back at the puppy who is pressed up against the glass where my hand is.

"I want to fall in love with someone, I want to marry for love and nothing other than that, I want to have someone I can't live without, a man to father my children and spend the rest of my life with. But none of that will ever happen because I have to live out this lie!"

I lean my back against the window and sit on the cool summer ground.

"Miss is this man bothering you?"

I nod looking up to see a kind faced guy around my age that I recognize from Samara's.

He helps me stand up and I see Mathieu looking at the two of us.

"Morgana?" I nod. "You sang at Samara's Sweets and songs Last week?"

I nod once again.

"Your voice is wonderful, I am not sure why Prince Mathieu knows you or has made you upset but you shouldn't cry over some spoiled royal."

"The royals are not that bad" I say quietly.

"Are you kidding me, the Princess is a spoiled brat, It's perfect that those two wed."

I back away from him.

"The spoiled brat just happens to be my best friend you ignorant dolt!" I smack him across the face. "Would you like to return home tonight?" I ask in a menacing tone.

The boy looks taken aback. "You're insane!" He walks away quickly.

I realize that Mathieu must have left to return to the palace.

I look at the little black puppy who is so small, yet forced to be alone and independent. But still all the little puppy wants is love and affection but I can't reach her to make it better. In a terrible way the puppy reminds me of myself alone and helpless simply waiting for someone to take that first step to love me.

Turning away from the puppy I make my way back to the palace.

The party seems to be in full swing and I evade the possibility of returning.

I take out my contacts and remove the wig putting them back into my bags for France.

Slipping on silk Pajamas I sit on my bed holding the small box with Ellise's bracelet in it trying to plot the perfect way to give it to her.

In the end I simply decide that I will give it to her right before I leave.

Sleep comes to me eventually but is fitful and full of terrible nightmares.