thoughts ≠ sx

a snippet of healing

"hello?"

hey.

"i didn't expect you to answer."

i wasn't going to.

"why did you?"

because i had to.

"look...i'm sorry, you know?"

yeah, i know.

"i don't know how to fix it."

you'll never be able to fix it.

"never?"

maybe.

"why is it a maybe?"

because for some odd reason i still care for you.

"that's good, because i care for you."

is that why you're apologizing? because you care about me?

"of course."

why didn't you care about me then?

"i was just..angry. your friends never made it easy on me. they all disliked me."

okay.

"do you hate me?"

a little.

"please don't."

you can't just expect that-

"did you get my present?"

yeah. thank you. how'd you know i wanted it?

"it's your favorite song. i saw the shirt and thought you'd like it."

was it expensive?

"nothing is worth as much as you."

(i laugh, a high pitched sound i can't find it within myself to dislike. he laughs with me after a moment, sounding close to the phone)

it's late.

"that it is."

(a pause)

i accept your apology.

"you do?"

you just..you really hurt me, you know? and i don't know if i'll ever get over that.

"can i tell you something?"

always.

"i hated myself a lot after i did that. my friends were terrible. you hated me."

i never hated you.

(we both know it's a lie, but lying isn't toxic at the moment: it's necessary)

"thank you for picking up the phone."

i had to.

"no, you didn't. you gave me a second chance. and thank you for that."

thanks for the shirt.

"wear it tomorrow?"

are you talking to me tomorrow?

"yeah."

maybe.

"bye."

goodbye.

[]

"...if i could fly."

-sx