thoughts ≠ sx

my goodbye

if you haven't noticed, i sign every entry in this book off with if i could fly.

if i could fly, if you don't know, is a one direction song, on their newest album. it's my favorite one direction song, which is insane, considering in all my five years of listening, i've never had a favorite. it's a ballad and a very heart-wrenching song. (i actually bawled the first time i heard it.)

the key lyrics, and the understanding of what they mean would spell out why i say goodbye with that phrase, are:

"if i could fly,
i'd be coming right back home to you."

these entries, i hope you all can comprehend, are insanely personal to me. they spell out my inner demons and all the crevices inside the complex of my heart, and i share them here, to get them out so i can't feel them anymore. but it doesn't take away how these are literally my secrets, and i'm telling them to you.

all these things i write in here?

they are the things i'd tell my soulmate, if i could fly and meet them right here, right now.

"...i've been going out of my mind."

i hope you all understand, that i'm messed up and emotional and complex. and i'm going insane, but at the same time, i've never felt so grounded.

"..i hope that you don't run from me."

because, if i'm not lying?

this is all scary and weird, my thoughts. i'd hope my soulmate would get that. i hope they wouldn't think i'm crazy, or obsessive.

"..now you know me,
for your eyes only."

i love you.

and if i could fly?

who knows the possibilities.

[]

dedicated to zeeglur

if i could fly,
-sx