it's a step by step process, one that comes and comes again.
one- i start questioning my relationships. i start thinking i'm giving too much and accepting too little. (it's true, but i shouldn't be thinking it.)
two- i become fixated on doing something long-term. running, walking, cleaning. this week it's cutting down the calorie intake.
three- i get this productive mentality where i think i can start on some big tasks, and then i go and i can't.
four- i can't sleep. i want to stay up and stay up until the brick in my lungs disappears and it stops feeling cottony in my throat.
five- i stop looking forward to the next day.
six- would it be easier if i was dead?
seven- breakdown.
eight- promise myself it won't happen again.
nine- know that's a lie.
ten- repeat.
(there's a level of insanity in this process. anxiety is insanity. trying to fix mental health is insanity. it's not fixable.)
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chris jackson !!!
-sam
YOU ARE READING
thoughts ≠ sx
Poesisomething in between a rant book and a book for a girl to ramble in. [ @clairescovers ]
