tw; implied eating disorder and self hatred
yoongi walked into jimin's apartment, eyes squinting in an attempt to see. every light was shut off, and from what yoongi could see, the windows were covered with thick curtains. yoongi fumbled around for a light switch, when he heard a feeble voice cry no, followed by the noise of sudden moment.
"jimin?" yoongi asked quietly, looking around the darkness. yoongi's hand hovered over the light switch, fingers brushing against the cool plastic covering. "where are you?"
"please don't turn on the lights," jimin said. yoongi dropped his hand from beside the light switch, leaving it hanging loosely at his side. he moved towards the windows instead, deciding that natural light may have been what jimin preferred. as he wrapped his hand around the thick fabric jimin cried out again, making yoongi jump. "no, don't open those!"
yoongi turned around, sighing heavily. "jimin, what's wrong? why can't i open the curtains? why can't i turn on the lights?"
jimin didn't answer him, but he could hear the younger shifting around uncomfortably from wherever he was in the room. yoongi decided to just go for it, throwing open the curtains. jimin screamed as light poured into his apartment, and dropped his face into his lap. yoongi looked around, seeing the clothes thrown about and the boxes of hardly eaten takeout on the floor. it looked as if jimin hadn't left his house in weeks.
"close the curtains, close the curtains, please!" jimin begged. yoongi looked around for him, finding the boy curled into himself, sat in the corner of the room. his hair was a mess and his clothes looked much too big around his thin frame.
"i think i little bit of light would be good for you, jimin. what's going on?" yoongi asked, walking towards jimin. he sat down in front of the boy and attempted to pry his arms from around him, but jimin wouldn't budge. "what's wrong?"
"p-please go away." jimin muttered softly, pushing yoongi away from him with his foot. it was a feeble move, yoongi barely even felt when jimin's toes made contact with his leg. jimin pushed his head further into his arms, making his hair stand up in goofy positions. yoongi had to hold back the urge to laugh. "i don't want you to see me."
"what do you mean, jimin?" yoongi asked, looking down at the boy. jimin moved his hands away from his legs and pushed them outwards, into yoongi's chest. yoongi fell back slightly and raised his eyebrows. usually jimin was afraid to touch him, much less push him on purpose.
"i mean i don't want you to see me. please leave." jimin said. yoongi sighed and stood up. he wasn't going to leave, but maybe jimin needed a few minutes before he'd talk to him, so yoongi decided to pick up the miscellaneous clothes scattered around jimin's living room.
as he carried a pile of them back to jimin's room, he noticed the few pictures jimin had on his walls were gone, and the bathroom in the mirror was covered with a towel. inside jimin's room was the same thing, the body length mirror hidden behind jimin's duvet, and the windows covered by tightly shut curtains.
on jimin's bed rested the missing picture frames, all taken apart. there were picture scraps laying at the end of the bed, and yoongi realized that jimin had cut himself out of every picture, leaving only the people posing beside him in it.
yoongi also saw the piles of sorted clothes, one containing things like baggy pants and sweaters, while the other was mostly shorts and sleeveless shirts. there was a trash bag next to that pile, already filled to the brim with clothes.
yoongi dropped the clothes on the floor and sighed, finally realizing what was wrong. he grabbed the blanket off of jimin's mirror and headed back to the living room, where jimin had closed the curtains once again and was laying on the couch, curled up into a ball. yoongi sat next to him, wrapping the blanket around the both of them and pulling jimin into his lap.
"seokjin hyung told me you haven't been showing up to work, is that true?" yoongi asked quietly. jimin nodded and pulled the blanket tighter around himself, leaving yoongi's toes exposed. "why?"
"because i don't want anyone to have to see me." yoongi could feel jimin's breath on his stomach before jimin pulled the rest of the blanket off yoongi's legs so he could cover his face.
yoongi lifted jimin up slightly so he could tuck his legs under himself, before setting him back down, this time so yoongi could see his face. in the dim light all yoongi could make out was the very apparent puffiness under jimin's eyes, and the way his cheeks had sunken in slightly. jimin hadn't been eating, and yoongi could tell.
"why do you think people wouldn't want to see you?" yoongi was whispering, as if the two were having a top-secret conversation. jimin looked at yoongi out of the corner of his eye, as if the answer was obvious and yoongi was refusing to see it.
"because i'm ugly. i'm not as pretty as you or seokjin hyung, my personality isn't as happy as hoseok hyungs, or taehyung's. my brain isn't as big as namjoon hyung's, and i'm good at everything like jungkook is. i'm not even good at one thing. everything about me is ugly." yoongi felt his heart crack at the sound of jimin putting himself down in such a way.
to yoongi, jimin was the prettiest human he knew. he didn't have to try to be beautiful, it was just a trait jimin had. his looks weren't the only thing about jimin yoongi found beautiful. his laugh was music to the older boys ears, and his smile could light up even the gloomiest of days. everything about jimin was beautiful, and it pained yoongi that jimin couldn't see that.
"you're not ugly, jimin. you're everything but ugly. you're kind, funny, honest, loyal, hardworking, trustworthy, and most of all, jimin, you are loving. i haven't gone a day since meeting you that i don't feel loved and appreciated, and i'm sure everyone would agree with me. jimin, you are so beautiful inside and out, please believe me. i know that i don't really understand what is going on inside your head right now, but i don't want you to listen to it. i love you so, so, so much please don't put yourself down comparing yourself to others."
"why are you so nice to me? i'm just jimin." jimin looked over at yoongi, and yoongi tried to ignore the sickly look on his face.
"that's exactly why i'm nice to you. because you're jimin, and that's perfect to me." jimin turned in yoongi's lap so he was facing him and threw his arms around the older boy. yoongi wrapped his arms around jimin's waste and pulled him closer to him, forcing jimin's head into his neck.
"please don't leave me, hyung." jimin whispered. yoongi kissed the top of jimin's head and rested his chin in the younger's boy hair.
"i never plan to."
