Life I Left Behind (A Daryl Dixon Story)

Chapter Five

Charlie

Ten Years Old

I stood at the end of my driveway, watching as two more fire trucks whooshed past, sirens blazing. Something was going on. Just down the road I could make out the billowing black clouds of smoke. I felt a little jolt in my stomach. I was worried about Daryl. His house was down there.

I ran back to my house and peeked in the tiny window by the front door. I could see mama in the corner of the living room, sitting in the rocking chair. Gabe slept soundly in her arms and she rubbed his back. He had finally tired himself out from all that screamin’ and cryin’ earlier. Mama was right about those terrible twos. I couldn’t wait for Gabe to be three.

Satisfied mama would be busy for a while, at least long enough not to miss me, I took off down the driveway and onto the dirt road. I ran as fast as I could in the direction of the smoke. The sick feeling in my stomach only got worse as I got closer. I rounded the next bend in the road and saw what I had been dreading. Three fire trucks, an ambulance, and two police cars sat in the Dixon’s driveway. Smoke billowed from one of the bedroom windows, though it looked like the fire had been put out. I scanned the small crowd of people frantically. A bunch of other kids from the neighborhood were there, but I was only interested in finding one person.

I spotted a familiar sandy brown colored mop of hair. Daryl had his back to me, his bike in the dirt at his feet. A police officer was kneeling in front of me, his hand gripping Daryl’s shoulder. I could tell from the look on the cop’s face that what he was saying was bad. Daryl ripped himself out of the policeman’s grasp and stormed off towards the woods. I hurried after him.

“Daryl!” I called. If he heard me, he didn’t stop. “Daryl, it’s me Charlie! Wait!”

He still didn’t stop. I followed after him until he finally reached the bed of the creek and stopped. He was quiet, but as I got closer I could see his shoulders were shaking. Was Daryl Dixon cryin’? I reached out my hand and tentatively touched his arm. He whirled around, catching me off guard. I stumbled back a few steps, but my eyes found his right away. His blue eyes watered. His face was streaked with tears.

I didn’t stop to think and just threw my arms around his middle. He was a whole head taller than me, the top of my head grazing his chin. I buried my face into his tee-shirt. “Daryl, what’s the matter? What happened?” I asked.

It seemed forever before he answered me, though his arms wrapped around me and squeezed me back. I could tell he was scared and sad and I wanted nothing more than to just squeeze all those bad feeling out of my friend. I couldn’t bear to see him so sad. “My mama…she’s…she’s dead.” He said quietly. “She fell asleep, smokin’ a cigarette and…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence. My breath had caught in my throat and I felt like I wanted to cry for him. I knew that Daryl had never cared much for either of his folks, but still. It was his mama.

“I’m so sorry, Dar. I’m so sorry about your mama.” I tried to sound comforting. “It’ll be okay, though. Somehow, everything will-“

Daryl suddenly caught me off, untangling my arms from around his middle and pushing me away from him. He shoved me hard enough to where I stumbled backwards and landed on my bottom in the dirt. I felt my eyes widen with surprise, but was even more surprised to see the look of rage on Daryl’s face.

“It ain’t gonna be okay, Charlie! My mama is dead!” He shouted at me, his hands balling into fists. My mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out. Daryl had never yelled at me before. “Ya can’t say it’ll be alright. Ya gotta mama and daddy who love ya, and a brother. I ain’t got anybody! I got a dead mama who never gave a shit about me anyways, a daddy who doesn’t care ‘bout nothin’ other than drinkin’ and a shitty brother who left me to go to jail. It ain’t gonna be okay!”

I made a move to step towards him. “What about me, Daryl? We’re best friends, aren’t we? You got me.” I said quietly.

Daryl stared at me with a hard, icy glare. “Yer mama and daddy don’t even want you to be friends with me. Sooner or later, yer gonna see that I ain’t good enough to even be yer friend and you’ll forget ‘bout me. Just go, Charlie. I don’t want ya here, okay? We ain’t friends no more.”

I felt tears welling up in my eyes and my face grew hot. “But, Dar…we are friends. We’ve always been friends. You don’t mean that.” I felt a warm tear trail down my cheek.

“I do, Charlie. Now go on, run home to yer’ mama and daddy and the rest of yer’ perfect family. I don’t need ya to feel bad for me anymore. Go!” He shouted at me.

I was full on crying now, but I didn’t care. “Fine! But I hate you, Daryl Dixon! I ain’t gonna be your best friend ever again!” I shouted back. I saw his hard stare falter and his face fell but I turned my back on him. I was sobbing so hard, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt like my chest was just going to cave in on itself and I’d just cry myself dry until I withered away like a flower on a hot day. I hated what I said. I hated Daryl for being so horrible to me, but I hated myself more for what I’d said back.