Life I Left Behind (A Daryl Dixon Story)

Chapter Thirty-Six

It was the waiting game that was the worst. The awful feeling of not knowing what was going to happen. Of whether or not Herschel would ever open his eyes again and look at his two daughters. Both had been sitting vigilantly by his bedside for hours, holding his hands and talking soothingly to him. I leaned against the wall, listening as Maggie shared story after story of times they had shared with their father. Still, I had also listened when Maggie tried to get Beth ready to accept the fact that Herschel might never wake up again. It was like his life was balanced on the edge of knife. It could so easily go one way or the other.

Carol had tried to get me to rest, but I wanted to be there with Beth and Maggie in case anything happened. Good or bad. The time continued to trickle past, like the grains of sand in an hour glass. I was vaguely aware of Daryl announcing he was taking watch outside, but I still didn’t move. My legs felt cramped from standing and my eyes were growing heavy. I was getting ready to find a place to sit down when Beth suddenly gasped. I froze.

“Oh my god.” I heard Maggie’s voice, a breathless whisper.

I leaned forward, and sure enough, the older man’s eyes were fluttering open. A huge smile spread across my lips. I wrapped an arm around Beth’s shoulder, squeezing the girl tightly. “He’s waking up!” I said, shaking my head in a state of happy disbelief. “I’ll go get Carol!” I turned and ran out into the hall, hurrying into the common area where everyone else had been seated quietly.

“He’s awake!” I announced happily, unable to control the smile on my lips. “Herschel opened his eyes!”

Everyone was on their feet in seconds. Carl ran up to me and wrapped his small arms around my middle, grinning up at me with the same relief I was feeling spread throughout my entire body. “Where’s Daryl?” I asked. “I want to tell him Herschel’s awake!”

“Outside on watch still. I’m gonna go see Herschel!” The little boy said before hurrying off after the others.

I knew I shouldn’t be getting my hopes this high yet, because Herschel was not out of danger yet. There were still so many things that could go wrong. Infections, blood loss, the list went on. Yet, against all odds, the man had woken up. He had gotten bit by a walker, had his leg amputated, and had woken up and was alive. It felt like something to be happy about. I moved towards the door to the cell yard and heaved it open before disappearing out into the cool night air.

The moon was hung high in the sky, as bright as ever. I glanced towards the chair next to the door to see that it was empty. He must have been making rounds throughout the yard. I took a deep breath of the clear air, filling my lungs as I walked towards the fence. I could make out a few straggling walkers on the outside of the farthest perimeter fence, dragging their feet while their arms hung loosely at their sides.

I laced my fingers through the fence, looking out across the field. It was a perfect night again. Not a cloud in the sky. I could see the stars for miles. Not for the first time, I was reminded of home. Daryl and I had spent countless night sitting at the end of his drive way on the back of his truck, taking in the country night sky. I was glad I still had memories like that now. Daryl had been right earlier, talking me out of my downwards spiral. I couldn’t let myself give up. Not when there were still so many good things that were possible. Herschel waking up had proved that. It made me wish, for what felt like the thousandth time, that Daryl and I had never stopped being friends. I could have used his optimism, his strong attitude so many times.

I thought about the way he had looked at me earlier. Or maybe it was just the way I thought he had been looking at me. I could have sworn, on anything, that he had felt what I did, too. That strong, electric current. I still didn’t fully understand it myself. Somewhere along the line, I had started looking at Daryl in a way that made it clear I saw him as more than just that little boy I used to catch tadpoles with.