Life I Left Behind (A Daryl Dixon Story)

Chapter Forty-One

Daryl

Twenty-Six Years Old

The front door let out a tired creak as I pushed it open, dropping my bags onto the tiled floor. It was bittersweet, being in that house after being gone for almost three months. It was a plus, though, knowing that my old man was finally gone. The son of a bitch had taken off a few weeks before I left, probably with one of his class act girlfriends. Hopefully he was never coming back.

I made my way into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge door. I wasn't surprised that it's only contents were a half empty case of cheap beer and two cardboard pizza boxes. Typical Merle shit. I sighed before grabbing a beer and pushing the door shut. I supposed beer for dinner was just as good as anything else. I popped open the tab, sinking into one of the rickety kitchen chairs. I was just started to realize now how sore I was, every muscle in my body aching. I supposed that was one of the side effects of living in a tent for a while.

I had spent the summer out west, camping and hunting, trying to clear my head and just do my own thing for a while. Away from other people. Merle and I used to go on trips like that all the time when I was a kid, sort of as a way to get away from home and our old man. It was usually never for longer than a week or two, though. This time, I decided two weeks wouldn't be long enough so I took the whole summer instead.

I took a sip from the beer can, savoring the taste a little. Bitter, but one I had missed pretty badly. While I had definitely enjoyed my time away from the real world and all the stupidity that inhabited it, it was feeling pretty alright to finally be back home, where my next meal was an easy phone call to a pizza joint instead of tracking a deer for a mile and a half. I finished off my first beer pretty quickly and was right in the middle of pulling a new one out of the fridge when I heard the front door creak open. A second later, Merle strode into the kitchen, his work boots making heavy thuds on the old floors.

"Well, I'll be damned! If it ain't my baby brother back from summer camp!" He hooted, catching sight of me. "Was startin' to git a little worried you was lost out there." He shot me a lopsided grin before jerking his chin towards the fridge. "Why don't ya' grab me a beer while you're standin there, huh?"

I rolled my eyes before reaching back into the fridge and pulling out a second can for Merle. I tossed it to him as I crossed the kitchen, taking back my place at one of the four chairs surrounded the worn down wooden table. "What the hell you been up to since I've been gone?"

Merle shrugged before taking one big, long gulp from the can. He set it back down a short second later, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "A little of this, a little of that." He answered vaguely. "You finally grow a damn pair while you was out there?"

"Hey fuck you, Merle." I shot back. "You coulda came if you wanted. You don't gotta be such an ass 'bout it." I huffed.

Merle put his hands up defensively, leaning back in his chair. "Whoa, sorry. Didn't realize you was so sensitive." He said before his lips curled back into a familiar smirk. He shook his head. "I was just messin'."

I didn't say amything, just giving him a nod before bringing my beer to my lips.

"You didn't miss too much around here." My big brother continued. "Nothin' in this god damn town ever seems to fuckin' happen." He complained a little. His eyes suddenly swiveled to look at me, as if he had remembered something out of the blue. "Wait, I take that back. Almost forgot. Remember that sassy little broad you used to hang out with? Tiny little thing…the one that had your nuts all tied up in a knot?"

I froze, beer can still at my lips. "You mean Charlie?" I asked slowly.

"Mmhm, that one. She stopped by here couple months ago."

"She came here?" I asked, my voice full of apparent disbelief.

Merle rolled his eyes. "Ain't that what I just said, dumbass? Yes, she came by here! Somethin' 'bout leavin' for a job in Atlanta." He said shrugging. "To be honest, I didn't really listen that hard but damn…she grew up good if ya know what I mean." Merle chuckled, a sleazy grin on his face.

I gripped the can in my hand a little tighter, but forced myself to relax after a second. Merle knew how easily he could push my buttons when it came to Charlie. I knew now that it was best to act like it didn't bother me. Although it had surprised me pretty damn good that she had ventured over here at all. Made no sense why she would bother. It'd been almost four years since the last time we had even seen each other. "She say what she wanted?" I asked with what I hoped came off as mild curiosity. I took another sip from my beer.

"Dunno. Did ask 'bout you, though. I told her you were long gone and didn't know when you'd be back." Merle answered casually before draining the rest of his beer. "Not sure why the hell she was lookin' for ya'. Ain't you two been over with for a while?"

I nodded, only partially hearing the rest of what my brother was saying. I was still stuck on the part where Charlie had come to my house looking for me. It my mind, it made no sense. Aside from the time I tried calling on one of her birthdays, we hadn't made any sort of effort to make nice. I knew the entire thing was my fault, but Jesus it would've been nice if she had tried showing up here about four years earlier. Maybe then we would have actually had a chance to make things right. What the hell was she thinking now? I mean we were almost strangers now. It had really been that long.

"Hey, you ain't still hung up on that girl, are ya'? You sure got awful quiet just now." Merle's taunting tone snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Hell no, got over that a long time ago." I grunted. I hadn't really ever been the best liar, especially when it came to Merle. He seemed to sense that sort of thing about people a lot better than I did. I drained the last of my beer, feeling his eyes on me the entire time. "Hope you told that bitch to hit the road." I added, the lie tasting bitter on my tongue, made worse by the fact that I was forcing myself to insult Charlie.

Merle nodded, finally looking away. I shot him a sidewise glance, glad to see he looked pretty satisfied at my answer. "Told ya' you'd get over that chick sooner or later, didn't I? Now ya' just gotta get under another!" He added, hooting with laughter.

I forced myself to nod for good measure. "Mhmm."

"Well, I'm outta here. Told the boys I'd meet 'em down at the pub to shoot some pool. You wanna come? Might be a few decent broads there." He offered, standing up from the old wooden chair.

I shook my head as I watched him shrug on his jacket. "Nah, think I'll pass. Gotta too much shit to unpack."

"Suit yourself." He called over his shoulder as he headed out. When I heard the front door creak open before slamming behind him, I let out a breath of air I hadn't even realized I was holding. I swiped my arm over the table, knocking the two empty beer cans to the ground, where they hit the tile with a loud clatter. It stuck me like a knife, thinking about how close I'd come to seeing Charlie. If I'd only waited around a day or two longer before leaving for my trip…What did it matter anyways? What the hell would we have to talk about now? It still completely boggled my mind that she had even showed up here at all. I couldn't really think of a good reason why she would. I sure know I wasn't worth it, not after what I did to her. I ran my hands through my untidy hair, feeling like the last three months of solitude and peace had suddenly been undone. Now I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her again.

I abruptly pushed myself out of the chair and headed towards the door. All my gear was still sitting in the pile where I had abandoned it not too long ago. I shouldered my backpack and grabbed the rest of my stuff before striding towards the backdoor. I let myself out and headed out across the field, towards the decent sized stretch of forest behind the house. Once again, I found myself craving the quiet and the space. I needed more time to think. I needed to shrug her off once again. I was like a ticking time bomb when it came to that girl. I could be perfectly fine, but the second she came up, it was like something inside me just completely cracked open and came undone. I scowled as I hiked deeper into the woods, pissed off at myself for being such a damn pussy. Merle was right, one of these days I really was going to have to grow a pair.