Life I Left Behind (A Daryl Dixon Story)

Chapter Sixty-One

Charlie

I was afraid to look at it. As soon as I had finished taking the test, I grabbed it and took off out of the bathroom, heading deeper back into the prison. The last thing I needed was one of the new faces walking in on me, watching as I paced the bathroom and waited to find out the answer to what felt like one of the most important questions of my life. Instead, I sat back against a wall in an empty hallway. I stretched my legs out in front of me, balancing the test on my knee. My heartbeat had yet to slow since the moment I’d grabbed the test from the shelf at the store. If anything, it had gotten faster.

How long had it been? I couldn’t be sure. I desperately didn’t want to look down, though. I knew that once I did, either everything or nothing would change. I closed my eyes for a long minute, taking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. When I finally felt as close to being calm as I figured I would ever be, I opened my eyes looked down at my lap.

Two little blue lines.

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Positive. It was positive. “I’m pregnant.” I whispered and the words sounded hallowed and strange as they broke the silence of the empty hallway. “I’m pregnant.” I said again, louder. I swallowed hard over the lump in my throat, trying to force back the tears but they were suddenly streaming down my cheeks.

The test clattered to the concrete floor. I pressed both hands against my mouth to stifle the sound of my crying. For the first time in a long time, I felt a fear unlike anything else. I felt lost and unsure. Now what was I supposed to do? Trying to stay alive was hard enough, but now it was suddenly about more than just that. I was going to have a child, I was going to have to find a way to raise a baby in this sort of world. If I lived even that long. My thoughts had sunk back to Lori again. I remembered her stomach, big and round. I remembered the constant fear that she wouldn’t live through childbirth…and she hadn’t. Now that was suddenly my reality as well.

How was I going to do this? More than that, how was I going to tell Daryl? We should’ve been more careful, but that had always been the last thing on my mind when we were together. We were so careful in every other aspect of life that it wasn’t something either of us ever thought much about. His brother had just died this morning and now I was going to have to drop this on him. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to tell him tonight. I couldn’t do this alone. I needed him.

“Charlie?”

I jumped at the sudden sound of another voice and pulled my hands away from my face to see Carol coming around the corner. I watched as her eyes drifted from me to the fallen pregnancy test on the ground. “It’s positive.” I choke out in between tears.

She didn’t say a word, instead dropping to my side and pulling me into her arms. For some reason, this made the tears come harder until my entire body felt like it was shaking. I could feel her stroking my hair and it reminded me of something my mom would’ve done, had she still been here. “It’s okay, Charlie. You’re not going to do this alone.” I heard her say softly.

“I’m scared.” I managed to say in a hushed stammer. It sounded like such a childish thing to say, but I couldn’t think of any other word to describe how I felt. I was terrified. This was something I knew nothing about, something I hadn’t really ever worried about before. Having a child before the end of the world had seemed hard enough. In this world, though, it seemed impossible.

“Listen to me. People have been having children for thousands of years, before doctors and before hospitals. I’m not promising you this will be easy because it won’t be. But you will live through this and you don’t know how worth it it’ll be when it’s all said and done…I didn’t mean to get pregnant with Sophia, but she was the best thing I ever did and I don’t regret it for a single minute.” Carol said. Her voice was quiet, but firm. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Charlie.”