orphic » jacob black

0.33

Give me strength to fight
Help me feel alive again
Make me whole inside
Instead, this hole inside is killing me
Oh, I'm begging you

If I recover, will you take me back again?
I'm just another, trying hard to fit right in
But the photographs remind me of who I used to be
If only I could go back where I, I was me

Justice:

I'm having an off day.
Jake and my parents are out of town,
Embry and Lily are at an ultrasound appointment. They're keeping the baby.

Jake has been out of town a lot lately... I'm not sure why. Probably because of me. I'm weak and pathetic. I wouldn't blame him if there was someone else.

I'm currently on top of my bed, curled up in a ball with a blanket over my head, doing the breathing exercises my shrink taught me. That's right, I go to a shrink now. My parents are making me to help with the nightmares and the panic attacks. I refuse to call Jake even though he told me to call him if this happens. I need to prove to myself that I'm not weak.

Good news is, I get my cast off tomorrow. After three long weeks of not being able to move it, I'll finally have a mobile left arm. Then in a week, it's my one year anniversary with Jake. I'm not sure what I'm going to get him yet but I'm so excited. He's perfect.

I feel my bed shift and I pop my head out from under the blanket.

It's Jake.
I feel my heart rate go down and my senses relax.

"Panic attack?" He asks softly.

I nod and crawl out from under the covers.

"How was your day?" I ask him, sitting criss cross on my bed across from him.

"Um, it was pretty good." He says, smiling.

I feel my stomach drop.
There's someone else.

"That's good." I say sadly, looking down.

"How was your day baby girl?" He asks pulling me into his lap.

I shrug, "I'm ready for my cast to come off."
I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

"After you get your cast off tomorrow, we're going to Sam's house." He says.

My eyes shoot open and I look at Jake, taking my head off his shoulder, "What?"

He smiles and nods, "Yes. I said Sam's. We're going to Sam's tomorrow after you get your cast off."

"Why?"

"Sam has something to tell us."

"Okay." I whisper, trying to calm down because my heart beat is picking up again and I feel panicky.

(a/n for those of you who don't have an anxiety disorder or have never had a panic attack, google it.)

"I can hear your heartbeat picking up." Jake says holding me tighter.