Lost Souls ~ Phan

Chapter Fourteen

Dan didn't hear from Phil for the following two weeks and it made him feel like he screwed everything up. Max stopped asking questions and the normally bubbly child seemed always sad. He wasn't eating as much, he never played and just sat in the middle of the living room and watched whatever was on tv, he couldn't sleep unless he was in Dan's room, and Dan often got calls from the teacher throughout the weeks that Max wasn't doing his work.

Dan was scared. The whole situation was changing his kid. By the time the following Thursday came around, Dan got a call from the school that Max had hit a kid and they wanted him to be taken home. Then when Max was still sitting in the same spot in the living room, Dan knew he needed to do something.

"Come on, Max." Dan called. Max didn't answer.

"Hey, kid."

Still no answer.

"Max." Dan paused and then sighed and walked over to the boy.

"You haven't been yourself, Maxy. What's wrong?" Dan sat on the floor beside him. Max kept his eyes glued to the tv screen. Dan turned it off. "Talk to me, kid."

"I miss Daddy." Max frowned without looking at him.

"I miss him too." Dan sighed.

"No. I miss him more. My heart hurts." Max slouched. Dan took a shaking breath.

"You haven't been eating. It's not good for you."

"Daddy made better food."

"Thanks." Dan rolled his eyes. Max looked to him with tears in his eyes.

"Everyone at school has two parents. I don't want to have only one." Max whispered.

"Max-"

"I don't like school."

"Have they been saying something to you?"

"Some big kids call me mean things and they call Daddy retarded and they call you a f*ggot and I hit him and I got in trouble and I didn't want them to call you things!" Max cried loudly. {A/N know five year olds mostly don't have this broad of a vocabulary but you need to know some info for the story lol}

Dan instantly pulled Max into his lap and held him against his chest in a tight embrace. Dan had angry, silent tears falling down his cheeks as he held onto his sobbing boy, rocking forwards and backwards slowly and almost mechanically.

"What else do they say to you?" Dan whispered, holding securely onto Max.

"'I was made from the devil' and 'I'm stupid' and 'I'm ugly' and-and-and they call you and Daddy names and I don't want to tell you."

"Tell me, Max."

"No!"

"You're not going to get in trouble. I want to know so I can help you."

Max whined and clung onto Dan's shirt.

"The big kids call you flamer and f*ggot and wanna be power couple and attention whores and they say its got to your head and they call Daddy retarded and stupid and a v-ver-versile bastard and ugly and-and they say you're both going to hell and dragging me with you and they ask me questions about something called a-anal and when I don't know what that is they laugh and tell me to ask you and I don't want to ask you because I'm scared!" Max was trembling in Dan's arms and both of them were crying.

Dan held him like he always used to when Max was a baby: cradled securely in his arms.

"They don't know anything." Dan said sharply through his tears. "They're cowards."

"I don't know what the means!" Max cried.

"They're weak, Max. Weak and scared. You're too strong for them and they're scared." Dan whispered, his voice trembling.

He hated that people were attacking Max for what Dan was instead of confronting him to his face. Max was the sweetest boy that Dan knew but now he was crying in his arms and not eating and not feeling safe at his own school. He was only five for fucks sake!

"Are you mad at me?" Max whimpered.

"Of course not." Dan kissed his head. "I love you, Maxy. I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"If I wasn't so...I just...it's my fault that they were being mean."

"No."

"Yes! If I didn't like boys than you wouldn't be treated so badly at school."

"Why do you like boys?"

"I just do." Dan shrugged, patting Max's back. Max stared back up at him with big eyes.

"Do I like boys?"

"Only if you feel like you do. I can't chose that for you."

"I don't want to like boys because that means people at school will be mean."

"Max, be who you want. No one should break you down."

Max poked at the pattern on Dan's shirt.

"Daddy is never going to get better." Max whispered.

"He might."

Max shook his head.

"We can't give up hope on him, Maxy."

"He doesn't love us anymore."

"That's not fair, buddy."

"The kids at school said that Daddy left because he found a new family."

"Tell those kids to mind their own fucking business."

"Daddy said bad words mean no Christmas presents."

"I'll tell Santa to let it pass this one time." Dan chuckled. Max sat up in his arms and wrapped his arms around Dan's neck.

"Will my heart feel better?" Max asked quietly.

"It will soon. We have each other, right?"

"Right." Max patted Dan's head.

Dan held Max close and shut his eyes tightly, his tears slowly drying on his cheeks. He hated the fact that his baby was being tormented at school and he hated the fact that Max was losing hope in ever seeing Phil again and he hated himself for being the cause of Max's sadness. He was driving the car. He was the gay single father. He was only 24 and didn't know what the hell he was doing.