Lost Souls ~ Phan

Chapter Fifteen

A/N Thank you for 300 reads! The support is definitely not going unnoticed! <3 Enjoy this quick (kind of a filler) chapter!

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Dan would have cried himself to sleep that night if he actually went to sleep. His bed felt so empty and big without Phil hogging all the space and the blankets.

Dan had squished in beside Max in the tiny bed until the kid fell asleep and he took that time to watch his little boy, missing when he was a baby and oh-so-innocent. Dan then laid down in his own bed and stared at the ceiling. He felt cold and numb.

New tears welling in his eyes, he trudged over to the drawers and opened one. There sat most of Phil's neatly folded clothes, coloured and bright. Dan stripped down and redressed himself in Phil's (clean) unfortunately pink underwear, Star Wars pyjama pants, and black triceratops jumper. For over six weeks sitting in a drawer, they still smelt like him.

Dan then grabbed Phil's old duvet they had stored for guests in the top of the cupboard and brought it with him too his bed, curling himself under the vibrant blue and green sheet. Between the clothes and the duvet, Dan calmed down a little, feeling even just a piece of his once-love with him.

Just as Dan was about to drift off to sleep, he was startled awake by a piercing scream from across the hall.

"Daddy!" Max shrieked.

Dan scrambled to his feet and stumbled out the door and into Max's room. The boy was sitting up in his bed and screaming, tears pouring down his cheeks. He held up his arms and Dan picked him up. Max clung onto him and cried against his neck.

"Shh." Dan kissed his head and rocked him gently. He then noticed the wetness of his five year old's pyjama pants. "Max-"

"I sorry!" Max sobbed.

"It's okay. It's okay." Dan kissed his head again and smoothed down his hair as he walked over to the set of drawers. He pulled out a new set of pyjamas and then grabbed Lion before carrying Max to the bathroom. Max was still crying even as Dan set him on the ground. He tried to climb back in his arms.

"Hang on." Dan whispered, gently taking off Max's pyjamas. It didn't take long for Max to be cleaned up and redressed.

The boy was still crying and his hair was pushed back in some sort of messy, accidental quiff and his bright blue eyes were shimmering with tears. His still-baby cheeks were pink and his nose was running. He clung onto Lion and buried his tears in the fur.

"Come here, baby boy." Dan sighed and picked him up. Max curled against his chest and Dan supported him securely, kissing his head and taking him back upstairs. "What's wrong, Maxy?"

Max just whimpered and sniffled, sticking his thumb in his mouth. Dan sighed but didn't stop him. The poor kid was stressed out of his mind. Dan sat him on the dresser and set his blanket with him. Max watched him take the sheets off of the small bed and set them in a pile in the hallway. Max was crying still, his thumb still in his mouth and his other hand clung onto Lion. Dan picked up the boy and carried him to his own room.

"Daddyyy." Max screamed.

"It's okay, baby. You're safe. You're okay." Dan whispered, the sleeves of the sweatshirt falling over his hands and he brushed back Max's soft hair. Dan sat down on the side of his bed and held Max as he cried. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Daddy hurt you." Max sniffled.

"Hurt me?"

"He made you sad and he hurt you and you never came back and Daddy left me and I was alone with Lion. I don't want you to go!"

"Shh. I'm not going anywhere."
Max started to calm down a little as Dan rubbed his back.

"Do you want me to tuck you in again?" Dan brushed Max's hair back from his face. Max looked up at him with his thumb back in his mouth. Dan gently pulled his hand from his mouth.

"Can I stay with you?" Max mumbled, tracing the dinosaur on Dan's sweatshirt.

Dan sighed. He knew Max needed to learn to sleep on his own and the past weeks Max had spend hogging Dan's bed.

"I dunno, Maxy."

"Please?"

And when the boy looked up at him with Phil's gorgeous blue eyes and classic Lester pout, Dan broke.

"Alright...fine." Dan grumbled.

Max smiled and crawled over the bed and got himself under the black bedsheets. Phil's old duvet was still crumpled on top of the bed and Dan sighed and pushed it to the ground. He tossed over Max's sky blue blanket and Lion and then got under the sheets as well.

"You smell like Daddy." Max whispered.

Dan didn't answer. Max got the hint and grabbed Lion and stuck his thumb in his mouth again. Dan stared at the ceiling and listened to Max's slowing breathing. Dan knew he sucked at being a parent and he knew Phil was undoubtably Max's favourite so it also hurt knowing that Max probably wished Dan had lost his memory and not Phil.