My Friend Ana

The Story of a Girl

This is a story of a girl. A girl who smiled, laughed, and skipped down the hallways of the high school, pulling her friends along with her, while she was crying on the inside the entire time. She was hurting, but told no one. She was breaking on the inside, but smiling for everyone on the outside. 

She felt depressed.

Alone.

Unloved.

Unwanted.

Ugly, despite the fact that all the girls envied her looks, and all the boys wanted her.

You see, at home, this girl locked herself in her room and cried as she dragged that razor blade across her wrist. She would recall all the things her mother would call her as she was slapped in the face, despite the fact that she was safe in her father's house, in a completely different state. 

Worthless.

Sociopath.

Bitch.

Hated.

Slut.

Hated.

Whore. 

Fat.

The cuts on her arm multiplied, her self esteem shrank, and her heart was slowly breaking, yet no one knew.

Until someone took the time to notice the little things, the little signs. The faltering of her smile, the emptiness in her eyes, the silent beg for help.

Help.

She needed, and subconsciously, wanted it.

That girl is my best friend. 

This is the story of a girl. A girl who is broken. Depressed. Lonely. And struggling everyday with her emotions.

She smiles and laughs with her friends, yet pushes them away. Her biting words are her defense. She's been let down in the past, and the walls she's put up seem to be impossible to break down. She's waiting for someone to realize how to get in, and look beyond her false smiles.

She's in so much pain, she's so angry at herself, and no body knows.

When she looks in the mirror, and wants to cry. 

Fat.

Ugly.

Monster.

Bitch.

Unloved.

Annoying.

Loud.

In her mind, all of the above and more were what people saw in her. 

For the last four years, she's been hurting more than anyone could have known- she struggled every day with the negative thoughts pulling her down. They seemed to control her every move. She felt numb, and exhausted from the push and pull of her depression. She came close to trying to end her life several times, and hurt herself whenever the pain become too much to handle. Her stomach growled, her heart ached, and her mind buzzed with thoughts- and yet she put on a smile.

Behind closed doors she was begging for help.

That girl is me.

This is a story of two girls. Two girls who were in unbelievable pain. They shared everything with each other, and finally had someone who understood. It was noticing the cries for help that brought them together, and opening up that cemented the friendship. With each other's help, they slowly saw the good in themselves. They helped each other through all the rough patches and relapses. They put the pieces back together, and, step by step, began to move on.

This is a story of a new beginning. 

~~~

Change is in Your Own Power