My Friend Ana

Reasons to Recover

I'm going to be completely honest with you. Recovery is hard. Very hard. It takes complete and total devotion- you can't half-ass it. It's a daily, conscious decision that you have to make for yourself.

The past two or three weeks have been harder for me, simply because my mental and emotional state aren't at their best. I decided I needed a bit of motivation, so I put together a list of reasons that encourage me with my recovery.

It's actually been really helpful for me, and I thought I might share my list.

Reasons for Recovery:

-So the smile on my face is always real.

-So I can wear short dresses and not be worried that it'll show my scars.

-So I won't have to turn towards a wall so my friends won't see my thighs.

-So I won't have to wear long sleeves in 90 degree weather.

-I don't have to be afraid to roll up my sleeves.

-So I can stop lying to everybody.

-So I can stretch in gym and choir with everyone else, and not worry that my shirt will rise and show my hips.

-So I can go an entire day without feeling the need to suck in my stomach in public.

-So I can finally eat in front of my friends and not compare my body and serving size to theirs.

-So I'll stop worrying that the kids I babysit will somehow see my scars and tell their parents, or think it's okay.

-So I can't stop feeling guilty after I've eaten too much.

-So I don't have to make up a reason for why I've winced anytime someone sits on my lap or accidentally touches one of my fresh cuts.

-So I never have to say "I'm fine" again and not mean it.

-So that my favorite sound to hear is no longer my growling stomach.

-So I can tell people what my favorite songs without worrying that they'll know my secrets.

-For my brother.

-To keep from disappointing my friends and family.

-For my future children.

-For myself.

-So I can be happy.

-So I can sit through commercials and not be triggered by the weight loss advertisements.

-So I can eat popcorn at the movies with the rest of my friends and not feel guilty and grossed out by myself.

-So I can wear a bathing suit and go swimming with my friends.

-So I can get my recovery tattoos and feel like I actually deserve them.

-So I can say "it's in my past" and mean it.

-So I can say that I'm a survivor.

-So I can prove to myself that I am stronger than I believe.

-Because not worrying about weight and showing my scars is worth it.

-I deserve it.

-I'm worth it.

-Because IT'S WORTH IT.

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If You Need Light, I Will Be Your Candle Burning Bright