Old Friends

4- Rejection

I walked down the street towards the restaurant around 11:45. I was freaking out. I had never been out with Sam and I wasn't sure how things would go.

"Hey." He stated when I walked in.

"Hey." I replied nervously. We sat down and ordered. To say I enjoyed it was a massive understatement. We sat and talked for over two hours. He told me crazy hunting stories and I told him things I remembered from when we were younger and crazy family stories. The waiter brought the bill and I went to put my cash in the folder thing when he lightly hit my hand.

"I'm paying."

"Come on, Sam. I owe you for making me have such a great time."

"No. I asked you out so I'm paying." He insisted. I gave in. "So, I have a question." He spoke up once the waiter picked up the bill.

"Shoot."

"Will you continue going out with me? Like I really want to do this again." He asked. I didn't know how to reply. I hadn't thought about that.

"Um, Can we go somewhere to talk?" I asked. I didn't want everyone overhearing. He nodded sadly anticipating me rejecting him completely. We walked to a park and sat on a bench. "Sam, I'd love to go out with you again. The problem is, you're leaving town and I'm finishing school. I can't quit now. I'm not trying to be mean, Sam. I really really like you and I want to date you, just I don't know. And I'm sure you want a hunter anyways." I explained.

"First off, I don't want a hunter necessarily. I want you. You're not being mean. You're entitled to your feelings. I'm not making you leave with us. Just call me once you finish school in a couple months." He asked of me, hoping we could make a go of it later.

"I will try. I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to reject you like this. I just can't quit yet. I don't know if it will work. We'll see what happens when I graduate." I added.

"I get that you can't quit. Answer this though. Why did you even agree to go out with me then? You just love Dean, is that it? You just strung me along tonight. You just drug me along all to say no." He asked, clearly upset before just walking off and leaving me alone in the park.

"Sam!" I hollered after him but he just kept moving. I walked back to my dorm and laid in bed wondering what to do. I couldn't quit but I didn't want to hurt him either. I settled on texting him.

Sam, I'm sorry. This isn't about Dean. I want to date you. I don't want to hurt you but I can't quit school. Not now. I know you leave in the morning. I'm really truly sorry. I know this is how things went with Dean too. I know I'm like the worst person ever. I just need to focus on finishing. I'm using hard earned money on this degree and I need to see it through. I wasn't trying to string you along. I hadn't thought about the problem until we started dinner. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me, Sam.

I'm not happy about it but I get it. Just do me a favor- Take care of yourself and call me once you graduate. Oh, Dean wants to talk to you. Expect a call any second.

My phone rang soon after and I answered it.
"The hell is wrong with you?" He asked angrily. "You're gonna shoot my brother down and try to act like his feelings for you don't exist? How do you think he feels right now? I know you're at school but it's taken him this entire time to work up the courage to ask you out and he's liked you forever, only for you to reject him right to his face. You really screwed this up once again." Dean accused. Tears fell down my face.

"Can we not do this, Dean? Not again. You don't need to tear me down. Don't you think I feel bad enough?" I snapped back before ending the call and curling up in bed to cry. My phone rang again, this time it was Sam. I denied it thinking Dean was using his phone.

I'm really calling you. I'm out of the room. Dean's not saying anything else to you. He texted me. He called once more and I answered.

"Sam, save it. I know I suck. I don't want to hurt you. I never intended to. I never meant to hurt Dean years ago either. I'm sorry." I cried out.

"Hey, are you crying?" He asked.

"What do you care?" I asked back.

"What do I care? You're upset and I never meant to upset you. I was mad at first and so I walked off, but I get it. If I was in your shoes, I'd do the same thing." He explained gently. It astounded me how even when he was upset, he was still considerate of me and my feelings.

"You didn't upset me. Dean did. He's right. I'm doing to you what I did to him. I'm making you feel like I'm pretending your feelings don't exist. I know it took you years to want to ask me out and when you finally had your chance after all this time, I shot you down. I screwed up this whole thing once again. I know you'll leave tomorrow and I'll never hear or see you guys again." I told him. I honestly felt so upset and like I ruined everything. I expected either a yelling match or him to just hang up.

"Now hold on. Dean is not right. He's just mad and thinks you're being mean. I know you know I'm upset by this. You aren't saying my feelings don't exist at all. You did shoot me down but not because you don't like me. It's not like we can't give it a go in a couple months. Don't think you'll lose us. I'll still keep in touch with you. Look, Dean was way out of line and I'm seriously pissed at him right now. I'll deal with him later. Don't take anything he said to heart." He consoled. It made me feel a lot better.

"Whether it be tomorrow or this afternoon or tonight, can I please at least see you two? I need to get to say goodbye." I asked cautiously. I needed a hug from Sam and to apologize to them both.

"Sure. Why don't you come over now? We're leaving kind of early and I don't want to wake you up." He asked.

"I'm on my way." I replied. I walked through campus and made it to their hotel. I knocked on their door. Sam let me in. I was still teary eyed. He wrapped me in a hug. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"I'm not mad. It's ok. You've gotta focus on yourself and school for the time being. Don't worry about what he said. Just listen to me. We are ok and I'm not losing contact with you." I nodded and slowly lightened my grip on him. Dean walked in from the bathroom.

"Caitlin, I'm sorry. I snapped at you and said some mean things and I'm sorry." He stated sincerely.

"You always do this, Dean. You always have. You say mean things then apologize later like it didn't hurt me. Why do you think I've been crying? You hate me now."

"I don't hate you. I just don't want Sammy hurt the same way I was." He explained.

"I can take care of myself, Dean. You don't need to attack her on it." Sam added.

"And you don't think me saying no to you hurt me too?" I asked Dean. "I just knew we wouldn't work, and that ended with no communication for years."

"I know it did. I just wanted to watch out for Sammy. I'm sorry I snapped ok?" He added. I nodded.

"So, you guys are heading out in the morning?" I asked to reiterate.

"Yep. The case here is solved so we're heading back to our bunker." Dean replied. We hung out for a while before I spoke up.

"Ok. Well, I have class tomorrow so I need some sleep. It was nice seeing you two. Sorry I messed so much up and have to go so soon. I've missed you all these years."

"We've missed you too. And you didn't screw everything up." Sam added. I wrapped Dean in a hug first.

"I'm sorry I broke your heart all those years ago. Stay safe." He nodded. I hugged Sam next. "I'm so sorry. I'll call you once I graduate and we'll see where things go."

"Ok. Don't apologize. Just give me a call. I'll try to text when I can in the meantime." I nodded and he hugged me once more. I walked back to my dorm and went to sleep.