Old Friends

24- Defining Monsters

I threw what I had in a suitcase and packed it up. I sent Dean a quick text.

Hey, don't tell Sam what happened. Play it off like you don't know where I went. Please. I'll be a couple towns over at a cheap hotel. I'll text you when I'm there but then I'm done with contacting you guys. I'm gonna do nothing but hurt you if I stay.

I'll try. Just know I'm sorry for how he's acting.

Thanks

I took one of their spare cars and drove out. I checked the front desk guy and he was clean. I went to my room and laid down on the bed.

I'm at the hotel. I'm sorry this is how it has to be. If you really need something, text me all you need to, but I'm done being looked at like a monster and I can't hurt you guys.

I get it. If you need anything, want to come back, or are in trouble, text or call. I'll answer no matter what

Thanks.

I set my phone down and tried to relax and think. I was conflicted. I didn't want to be what I was. I never wanted to, and it didn't become a problem until lucifer came up. I was tired of my life crashing down.

Weeks flew by. Hundreds of texts and calls from Sam came through and I ignored each of them. Dean texted once or twice about how Sam was doing, which was horribly by the way, but otherwise, he let me be. I was laying in bed one day at the 3 month mark since I had left. I was just bored and watching tv when I realized I was twiddling the ring on my finger. Sam and I never got married. I wanted Sam back so bad. I truthfully had missed him and Dean like crazy but I never showed it.

How you holding up?

Not great. I miss you guys but Sam can't stand being with me anymore.

He misses you too, Caitlin. He's a wreck without you. He never intended for you to leave. I didn't reply as the tears fell down my face. It took a good 20 minutes for me to work up the nerve to reply.

Dean, can I come back? No tricks though. I don't want to die and I never want to hurt you. I've kept it a secret for this long. I think I can keep it under control.

Of course you can come back. No tricks. I know you can control it. I talked to Sam a while back and he knows he was unreasonable for how he reacted.

I'm on my way. See you in half an hour or so. Tell Sam too. I'm sorry, Dean.

Don't apologize. It's ok.

I packed back up and went to the bunker. I knocked on the door. Dean opened it. I let him test me for what I could be tested for just to calm their nerves.

"Hey." He wrapped me in a hug. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"It's ok. You ok?" He asked.

"Hanging in there. Where's Sam?"

"Inside researching. He's kind of mad I didn't tell him I knew where you were, but he'll get over it. He wants to talk to you though." I nodded and joined Sam at the table.

"Sam, I'm sorry." I stated sadly. He seemed like he hated my guts once again.

"If you're apologizing for leaving, don't. I was a jerk and I'm sorry I made you want to leave."

"I didn't leave because you made me want to per se. I left because I didn't want to hurt you. It was hurting you to know what was going on and you were having trouble handling it. I didn't want to make things hard and make you not want to be with me anymore so I left. You hated my guts when I left and I- I couldn't deal with that. I've hid this from you for years and yet you've loved me this whole time. Why should you finding out be any different?" I asked. It didn't make sense.

"Ok. Look, I wasn't mad at you. I never was. I don't hate you and you aren't a monster. The reason I didn't know if I could deal with it is because I know this is tearing you up. It has been for a long time I'm sure. I didn't know if I could deal with you progressively getting more upset and me not being able to help you. I don't want to see you in pain or upset or anything. I care about you far too much. I never once meant to seem like I didn't love you. You mean the world to me and I don't want to lose you." He was so broken up about what he was saying that I felt bad for ever thinking he didn't care.

"Sammy. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that's what you meant. Why didn't you say that? Instead you told me how you couldn't handle it because there is no cure or anything. You acted as if there's a difference between who I am now and who I was before I told you." I asked.

"I couldn't figure out how. I was going to once I was back from getting the beer but you were gone. I wanted to explain. I was having trouble handling it because of there not being a cure, but I just needed time. I realized by the time I got back from getting beer that there was no difference between who you are and who you were. Please, you have to believe me. I'm so sorry. You must have thought I hated you." He explained.

"I believe you. I did think you hated me and couldn't care less that I was gone. I slowly realized I was being stupid. Sam, I apparently have serious trust issues as you can see. I didn't realize how much I don't trust you until this happened. I'm sorry, but it's from the guy who made me become who I am. I thought I could trust him and this is what happened. I don't want to lose you. I'm not gonna be constantly upset about this as long as you quit looking at me like I'm a monster. I never should have told you." I stated sadly.

"Hey." He placed his hand on my wrist from across the table. "You don't have trust issues. You trust me a lot. Like I've told you a zillion times, you aren't gonna lose me. Never again. I'm not trying to look at you like a monster. I don't think you are one. I love you so much. I'm glad you told me because now we know what's going on and why everything seems to be attacking us. I'm not mad and I never truly was. I'm sorry, baby. I love you." He stated sincerely.

"I love you too, Sam." I got up and he wrapped me in a hug. He had on a soft t-shirt and his hug was soft and comforting. I lost more tears as he hugged me. He rubbed my back and gently stroked my hair.

"Shh. Shh." He cooed. "It's ok. I'm right here."

"I was also thinking, can we get married at some point? It's been well over a year since you asked me and we have done nothing but have bad things happen and argue." I questioned.

"Of course. We can do that next chance we get. I'll talk to Dean about it. You know he cares a heck of a lot about you, right? He talked to me until I realized what a jerk I was and he kept where you went a secret all because he wanted you to do what you thought you needed to. He wanted to make sure I knew what I said was wrong."

"I didn't know all of that, but I know he cares. Where'd he go?" Dean had been out of the room since I talked to Sam.

"He's in his room." Sam replied.

"I'll be back in a bit." I went to his room. He was laying in bed trying to pretend he wasn't concerned about Sam and I's conversation.

"How'd it go? You aren't here to tell me you're leaving again are you?" He asked frantically.

"No. Of course not. Relax. Sam and I worked it out. It's ok. I'm staying for good."

"Good. Why did you really think I'd kill you?" He questioned.

"You hunt monsters. You've said it yourself and so has any other hunter ever. 'Anything supernatural deserves to die.' I didn't know if you'd pass that on to me. We may be practically family, but I'm still supernatural by technicality." I explained.

"I would never kill you. Even if you were possessed by lucifer and the only way to cage him back up was to kill you, I still wouldn't. I just want to say that I appreciate that you did this even when you were mad at me. I know we hurt you immensely but you did this for me anyways. Just know we love you."

"I love you too, Dean. We're done if you wanna join us." He nodded and we walked out to Sam. We sat around and hung out, ate some dinner, then watched tv until it got late.