Old Friends

7- No Turning Back

We were laying there trying to go to sleep when I spoke up. "Sam, can I tell you something? It's gotta stay between us though."

"Of course." He replied.

"I don't know that I ever really loved Dean. I mean sure, I liked that he cared I existed and that he looked hot when he worked on cars and stuff, but I don't know, I think it was always you and I just never noticed it. You were there for me when my dad was gone all the time, you were there for me when my mom died, you were there for me for everything. That's why it hit me so hard when you vowed to never speak to me again. I thought I was losing the one person who made me feel like I mattered as someone more than just for my brain. I'm still terrified I'm gonna lose that again. I almost did." He looked at me with almost a shocked look.

"I'm really the only person who's made you feel like you matter for something more than just your smarts?" He asked, astonished.

"Pretty much." I replied.

"Wow. I had no idea. I don't think it's fair to say you never liked Dean. There was a point that I swore if it worked out, you were gonna marry him someday. I didn't even think about me being there for you so much and that it must have hurt to hear me say I wasn't gonna talk to you. Had I realized, I would have kept in touch. I didn't know you liked me that much. I mean sure we hung out when Dean was gone, but when he was back, it was as if I never existed. I'm not mad or anything. Just telling you what I remember. You aren't gonna lose me being here for you. Even if something happens, which it won't, I'll still be here for you. Always. I love you. What you don't know is that I always have, too. Every time you played with Dean, I saw how he'd roughhouse a lot and you'd fall down and hurt yourself but you'd get up like nothing happened. You were strong and pretty and you made me for once feel like I was good enough to be included. Dean always acted like I couldn't do anything. You acted like I could. To be honest, that night that Dean asked you out, I was gonna tell you I liked you. I contemplated it at least. Then you told me you liked Dean and he happened to ask you out that night. That's the real reason I stopped talking to you. I'm sorry I stopped." He told me.

"Wow, Sam. I totally understand why you stopped. I broke your heart and didn't even know it. I didn't realize I acted like you didn't exist once he came back. Sounds like we both didn't realize a lot of things. Will you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"No secrets unless absolutely necessary. I promise too."

"I promise. No secrets. Let's get some sleep."

"I agree." I replied before I closed my eyes to try to sleep. I snuggled close to Sam hoping he wouldn't find it weird. He didn't and we fell asleep quickly.

"Come on you two! Get up!" Dean shouted through the door. I sat up and woke Sam up. He went to the door and told Dean we'd be ready in a minute.

"Why are we getting up?"

"We were planning on heading out today if you were picking me. If you needed time to figure it out, we were staying until Monday. Are you sure? After today, there's not really any turning back." He double checked.

"Yes. I'm sure. I need to call the guy who offered me the job and tell him no, but yes I'm sure." He nodded and we got packed back up then headed out.

I called the man about the job while I was in the car. "Museum of Mythology, Roger speaking." He answered.

"Hello sir. This is Caitlin. I'm calling you in regards to the job offer you gave me."

"Oh yes."

"I apologize sir, but I will have to respectfully decline your offer. I have some other things going on and I will not be able to accept this job." I told him.

"I understand. Thank you for calling. Have a nice day." He stated emotionlessly then hung up. I was surprised he didn't seem to care more that I didn't want the job. I guess he didn't actually care who got it so much as someone did. I sat there and just stared out the window for the duration of the ride. It was only a few hours drive but it was still pretty long. Long enough to send the thoughts flowing. I never felt this way about a guy before and I wasn't used to the feeling. I questioned everything in my mind and feelings from the past kept popping up. I wasn't in tears yet but I was still kind of emotionally overwhelmed.

"Caitlin, are you holding up ok?" Dean asked since he could see me in the mirror.

"I'll be ok. Just got a lot going on in my mind right now." He nodded and went back to driving. Sam reached his hand back and placed it on my knee.

"You know we're here to talk to." I nodded and went back to looking out the window. We got to their place around dinner time and settled in.

"I'm gonna go pick up food. Why don't you show her around?" Dean asked. Sam nodded and showed me where things were. It was a massive place.

"....and here's the guest room. Sorry. It's not much."

"Can I ask a question?"

"You just did." He laughed. "Yeah go ahead."

"Not for us to do anything because I don't want to until I'm married, but can I stay with you? I don't want to be alone and I just feel like I'm gonna be scared and feeling out of place. I'll sleep on the floor if there's not room." I asked.

"Of course you can. I have room don't worry." I nodded and once Dean came back, we ate then hung out and watched tv. Once midnight rolled around, we all headed to bed.