Old Friends

18- Death

"What did he say?" Sam asked as if talking about lucifer was normal.

"He said that the deeper I get with you two, the more I'm not gonna like what I find. He said especially with Dean. You supposedly have your problems, but Dean is beyond compare. He said to watch my back or he'll see me again. I know it was him. I know that's crazy though."

"It's not crazy. It happens. I've gotten visions before. The stuff he's getting at is that we've dealt with a lot and have memories of things we don't want to have memories of. We don't want to drag you in. He's right about not liking what you find, but he's implying that we're gonna hurt you. We won't. Try to relax." He cooed.

"I'm so scared Sam. Why is he after me?" I asked.

"I don't know. We'll figure this out, ok? Just relax." He urged. He wrapped his arms around me protectively. And softly rubbed my back. Suddenly, Dean knocked on the door. "Come in." Sam said.

"Hey, I couldn't help but overhear. Sorry you're getting visions. I want to start by saying that I hope you know I'd never hurt you either. Lucifer was right in the sense that I am messed up, but I'd never hurt you." He insisted. They both seemed so afraid that I would hate them.

"I know that, Dean. It's ok. I don't care if you think you're messed up. You're an awesome person and nothing is going to change that. You don't even have to tell me about anything going on in your lives. It's really ok." I assured him. I didn't need to know everything going on.

"Ok. I'll tell you someday though." I nodded and Dean left the room once again.

Things went great for several months. I occasionally got a few visions but I was getting so used to it that I didn't care anymore. Dean told me about everything they had dealt with and why he felt so messed up. He told me about hell and various hunts, the whole 9 yards. Things made a lot of sense then and we determined lucifer was trying to use me to get to them.

One day, the guys found a hunt and agreed for me to tag along in case they needed a ride to a hospital since a recent hunt had them get pretty hurt and Dean had trouble driving to one. "Stay in the car and use this if you need to." Dean stated as he handed me a gun. I nodded. We showed up to this demon hunt. They got out of the car and attacked the demons. Suddenly a man, who I determined was lucifer, appeared and went to town on the guys. They were beaten and bloody on the ground. I was too scared to get out and kill the guy. He walked over to my door and opened it. I started to scramble towards the other side of the car but he dragged me out. He punched me over and over. My head flipped in swift motions back and forth. I was on the verge of passing out when he headed to Sam. I tried to crawl over to him but he used the invisible force to push me into the car. He was about to kill Sam when he stopped.

"I'm gonna make you an offer. You say yes and be my vessel, and your precious Sam and Dean live. Say no and Sammy dies." He offered.

"Sam, I'm sorry for what I'm about to say. It's gonna ruin everything." I started. "The answer is no. I'm not letting you destroy the world." Lucifer simply nodded and stabbed Sam clear through his chest before disappearing. I wanted to scream but my throat was too weak to speak. I worked up enough strength to run to Sam.

"I love you." He mumbled.

"I love you too, baby. Stay with me." His head slowly dropped and he was gone. I expected hellhounds but despite there being none, I knew what I did. I knew he was being tortured in hell as I sat there. "Sammy. Sammy! Come on, come on, baby." I begged. He was gone. I felt for a pulse but he didn't have one. I turned around to Dean. He looked at me with a tear in his eye.

"He's gone, Dean." He didn't reply. I helped Dean up and we carried Sam to the car. As we drove off to where they had agreed to bury each other so if they could come back they could get out, I kept looking back at Sam despite my head hurting. "Dean, I'm sorry." I stated.

"I'm not mad." He stated simply but kept driving. We got to the spot and Dean got Sam from the backseat. "Come on." He urged.

"I don't want to, Dean. I don't want to look at him like this. I can't take it. It's mean and selfish but I can't." I explained.

"Fine." He stated simply. He carried Sam out and was back after about 20 minutes. We drove back to the bunker and I instantly went and holed myself up in my room. I was in there for a couple hours before Dean knocked on the door. I didn't answer but he came in. I was in tears on the bed but I didn't care. He sat next to me. "I just wanted to see how you were doing and to talk about what happened."

"There's nothing to talk about. It's my fault that Sam's not coming back. I know you're honestly mad. You say you aren't but it's written all over your face, Dean."

"I'm not mad that Sam died. I'm not saying I'm happy by any means but you made the right choice." He told me.

"It was a bad choice but I was scared, Dean. He's been giving me visions and he was gonna try to use me to take over the world. I didn't want to die. I hated seeing you two beat up. I'm sorry. I should have done something."

"It's ok. You were scared and I get that. Don't beat yourself up over that. You couldn't have killed him anyways. Just hang in there, ok?" I nodded. He gave me a hug then headed out of my room. I laid there but the tears continued to flow. I looked around and all the memories came flooding at once. All the hugs all the tears all the kisses that were shared in our room. All the thoughts wouldn't leave my head and I wished I hadn't made the choice I did. I walked out to Dean.