Restless Hope

Chapter 17

Beth

"You have to come with us!" Olivia says, her arms clasped tightly around my neck. "It won't be any fun without you."

I reach behind my neck and gently try to disentangle her arms, but Olivia just holds on tighter. The girl is technically 12 years old, but she often acts as if she were closer to 9 or 10.

"Livie, you know I have to stay here for this competition. I explained all the reasons, but you don't need to worry about it. Aunt Alice will take good care of you, and I'll video chat with you every night. You can text me anytime, and I'll come visit you in person whenever I can. Okay, love?"

Olivia sniffles and nods, finally releasing me.

I turn toward Toby. He has a Seattle Seahawks cap pulled low over his forehead and a pair of earbuds planted firmly in his ears. He nods at me, apparently too cool already for a hug, but I'm not having any of that. I haul him in close for a tight hug and plant a kiss on his forehead. Toby makes a face, but I suspect deep down he doesn't really mind.

"Any day now," my sister says in a testy voice. I glance at Mariah, but look away just as quickly. It unnerves her how close her children and I are. She can't help but notice the difference between the stiff hugs they give her and the genuine affection they show me, and I know she resents it. Mariah has never been comfortable around her children. She is constantly annoyed by them, yet she wants affection without building their trust, and that's not going to happen.

I hug my sister gingerly in one of those "I'll miss you, but not really" sort of embraces. Sadness washes over me when I think about the tight relationships other sisters have. I wish we had that.

Father moves forward then and air kisses both sides of my face. I hate kissing this way. It feels so formal and impersonal, but if does fit our relationship.

"Don't feel too badly if you're eliminated early, Beth," he says.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, I think wryly, but he's not finished.

"Remember you're a Malcolm, and Malcolms handle adversity with a stiff upper lip. You can always join us in Nantucket this summer if things don't pan out the way you hope. Besides, I am confident that before the summer ends, my company will be thriving and we can return to the way things have always been. You'll see."

As he opens the door and gets into his 3 month old leased BMW with Mariah and the kids, I stare thoughtfully at them. It's so typical of my Father to always turn the conversation back to himself. He's been promising his luxury skincare line will be successful for years now, but unless he lowers his pricing and adjusts his marketing model, it's not likely to happen. Not that he wants my opinion, of course.

Thinking about his words, something inside me snaps. I don't want for things to return to the way they've always been. Even if I lose the competition, I can't do it. I can't go back to living under the cloud of my father and sister's disapproval.

Really? My inner voice taunts. Even if the children suffer in my absence? Who do you think you're kidding?

Aunt Alice is the last to say her goodbyes.

She hugs me close and pulls back to look at me with her pride in her eyes.

"You look beautiful, Beth. Just like your mother. A day doesn't pass that I don't think of her and miss her. She would be so proud of you for entering this contest. Ignore your father's pessimism. I know you have it in you to win. Just try your best, and no matter the outcome, know that I'm rooting for you to succeed with your business. We will find a way to make it happen."